God is doing good work in my life today.

I am happy and amazed at all the Lord has done in my life (in general), but especially over these last few weeks. For the longest time now, I have been missing the comfort and companionship of a church home. I could feel the void inside me and would often think to myself...I really need to get back to church...I need to find a church and I really would like to get involved. These thoughts would surface ever so often and pass without much action on my part...even though I knew that it would leave an empty void.

Since I decided to rediscovery myself and make changes and so on...it has been a constant thought, but I would make excuse after excuse. Finally, I had enough. I knew that it was something I was longing for and that I really needed God in my life if I was going to make all the changes that I wanted and needed. The church that I had originally thought about attending was literally a block away, but you would not believe the number of excuses one could make for not going. My biggest and most frequently used excuse was one of being tired and having to get up early...I'm sure many have used this one. :) Yet, as I would justify to myself why I couldn't make it to service, I knew the true reason...I was afraid. I know, I know...who's afraid to go to church?! The absurdity of it is not lost on me, but nonetheless, it is it. I was afraid. I have always had the fear of being judged...low self-esteem/self-confidence...always worried that I would not be good enough. Being surrounded by a large group of people that I did not know and still feeling so new to the faith (even though it's been 6 years since I was saved...but 3 that I've been away from the church...eek!) freaked me out. The devil knows my insecurities and had no problem running them through my mind and I was quickly defeated time and again. Not completely though, I have still been studying the Word, reading my daily devotional, and listening to Joyce's [Meyer] podcasts. I love her! 

A few weeks ago, I decided that I was tired of being afraid. I remembered my life verse 2 Timothy 1:7: "For the Lord did not give [me] a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind" and I made the decision to go to the 11:00 service the following Sunday. Every time the devil tried to sidetrack me with my fears, I just became more determined and would run my verse through my mind. I made it to church and no, no one attacked me...lol. In the bulletin, they were advertising the Women's Conference a couple of weeks later. It occurred to me that it was around this same time last year, that I had tried the church for the first time and attended very sporadically (maybe 4 times in the whole year) ever since. I had wanted to go to the Women's Conference then too, but with my work schedule and other reasons I didn't pursue it. Well, this year I was going to do it. I wanted more God in my life and more fellowship with others and to grow in my faith. I even took the time to call two Ladies' Bible Study groups to see if they had room for one more. I joined the Wednesday morning group and the Thursday evening group. Since then I have met several great women and have so many wonderful examples of women after God's own heart. I attended the Women's Conference last week and learned so much. It was such an awakening! I encourage everyone to try to attend one in their area. To be surrounded by so many fellow Christian women...it is just amazing!

I have been working over the last several months to pull the weeds and remove the overgrowth in my heart...making room to plant new seeds of humility, grace, peace,patience, love, and faith. Using a metaphor of Joyce's, there are several stones...mine are more the size of boulders...in my river of life. It's had to get the river flowing if it's stopped up with fleshy business. Through prayer, faith, and hope...I am working to make those boulders smaller, to stones, then rocks, then pebbles smoothed over by my river and at the bottom. Trust me, God has a lot of work to do within me...but I'm happy to say, I'm being made ready.

The reason I'm sharing this is because I have felt a change in my heart...one of peace and forgiveness take hold. Rob has even noticed that I seem happier, that I have been happier. My anger passes much quicker than it used to and when my frustration comes up, I look to the Word to replace it with love. The Lord is doing a good work in me and I wanted to let everyone know. I am growing roots...deep roots...and surrounding myself with like-minded ladies to help me continue to grow. 

Right now, I am still without a job. We have no more money set aside to cover our budget and Rob is being to worried. Yet, surprisingly or maybe it isn't, I'm content. I know that I will find a job and we will be okay. I have faith in God and believe that this a trial set to strengthen and grow my faith. I have hope that a job I applied for will come through. Every time my worries start, I use my words in confirmation that He hears my prayers and will answer them. He will provide. For instance, a woman in my Thursday group has an unsaved husband...just like mine. She also had the book Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis and she offered to loan it to me for Rob to read. God was working, because he is actually reading it and interested in it. I believe that God is going to use this book to open his eyes and plant that seed in his heart. By the way, for anyone who has not read this book...I would greatly encourage it. Even as a believer, I have learned so much from it and I'm only on page 60. He makes the argument so logical. 

In summary, while my life is nowhere near perfect I am content and happy. I have peace in my heart and plan on continuing to sow and reap the good life. :o)

I know that this is already incredibly long, but I wanted to include this message from Joyce. It has been something that I have been focusing on for the last month or so, because it is the biggest boulder in my river and I believe that this will be helpful for everyone. 

The Mouth Has a Mind of Its Own!

by Joyce Meyer

What if I told you that the source of most of your problems could be found within you—from the neck up? You’ll find it in the thoughts that come from your mind and the words that come out of your mouth.

We must realize and understand the power carried by our thoughts and words. They’re so powerful that they can bring either blessings or curses into our lives, depending on their nature. Our thoughts and words are like the rudder of a ship—they may seem small, but they affect the very direction of our lives.

Many years ago my life was in a state of chaos because of years of wrong thinking and speaking. I had encountered so many disappointments because of all the devastating things that had happened to me. I was afraid to believe that anything good might happen. In fact, my philosophy of life was, “If you keep your expectations low, you’ll never be disappointed.”

Over the years I became very cynical and negative. I often said that if I had two positive thoughts in a row, my mind would’ve gotten a cramp. My thoughts were negative, which caused my words to be negative…which all reflected poorly on my life. Finally, I decided to change my ways and stop talking so negatively. After a while I realized that I needed to do more than just not talk negatively. Cutting out the negative wasn’t enough; I had to begin to think and talk positively!

For example, a person sneezes and says, “Oh, I’m probably getting the flu.” Or someone hears a rumor that the company he works for is going to lay off some employees, so he thinks, That’s the story of my life. Every time things start to go well, something always happens. Then he says, “I’ll probably lose my job.” These types of negative statements seem to come so naturally to all of us. We need to discipline ourselves to be more positive—it’s not so easy!

When we react negatively, we allow fear to take over our thinking. We begin to dwell on things that haven’t even happened and may not happen. Our negative thoughts cause us to speak the words that’ll shape our future.

We’re constantly tempted to think wrong thoughts, but we don’t have to accept them! We have a choice! We need to purposely choose right thinking and speaking. In the Bible, Proverbs 18:21 says, Death and life are in the power of the tongue…. We must choose life generating thoughts. When we do, positive, powerful, life-giving words will naturally follow. I think some people try to control their mouths but do nothing about their thoughts. That’s like pulling off the top of a weed—unless the root is dug up, the weed always comes back. You’ll never control your mouth unless you first learn to control your mind.

Believing is the first important step to switching our thinking from being negative to positive. Remember, what’s in our hearts and minds will come out of our mouths. If our soul (mind, will and emotions) is full of negative things, we’ll find those things coming our way. On the other hand, when we hear, read, think and talk about God, the Truth and more positive things, we’ll find that those good things will come our way. The choice is ours!

Brewer and Palin-Secure The Border

Racial profiling my ass...trust the officers and protect our boarders.

ASVAB

Last night I spent a ridiculous amount of time taking the ASVAB. I was there at 5:30, waited with the others to move through the process of checking in, started the test at 6:30ish, finished around 9:20, and then stuck around until 9:40 to get my AFQT. 

While being surrounded by a lot of younger individuals, I was thinking about how much they really didn't know. You would not believe the questions that were asked when filling out the bubble sheet. LOL. I was amazed. I'm not sure if they were just slow or if it's a common thing for recent high school graduates. I don't remember being that way, but I decided to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they were joining the Army.

Okay, so I have never been good with math...especially fractions...so going into the test was going to be interesting. Most of the sub-tests were over things that I haven't studied since high school and for those of you counting...that was 10 years ago! I did try to brush up on everything before taking the test, but wasn't really sure what to expect. Here I am, 28, college graduate, starting my Masters and taking a test made for high schoolers. With all that, I expect myself to do well. Hello, college graduate...lol. However, I am also 10 years out of high school and most of that information has been pushed out of my head by the information that I use daily. When was the last time that you had to factor an equation or figure out how long it took Jim to get to his house if he drove 50mph for 150 miles then 40 mph for 210? And don't get me started on King Phillip's Class Ordered the Family-sized Gino Special!

Well, I managed to score at 90 (AFQT). Now here's the thing, I was excited that I did so well. I did some studying before hand, but most of the stuff I haven't seen in 10+ years. Then I started thinking...uh, you should have done well...you are in Graduate School! LOL! So my 90 means that I scored better than 90% of 18-23 year olds...hmmm....LOL! I'm glad that I did well, because I haven't seen that information in quite some time and it allows me the opportunity to pursue whatever AFSC I want and it also makes me feel smart again.

I'll find out my line scores sometime next week. That is when I'll know how well I did on each sub-section. I'm pretty confident that I will be quickly disqualified for any job related to mechanics (to include auto-shop) and electronics. Yeah, they were that bad. 

So I'm going to pack my study books back up and enjoy my Friday.

Here's What Happened Last Month on "Road to Rediscovery"

What I've learned about myself in the last month:


I am getting better at cooking: So with all the free time I have on my hands currently, that no job thing, I have been the one cooking dinner pretty much every night. I have my little list on the fridge with a menu for each day, which makes for easy referencing. With that, I have become much more aware of cooking times for different foods and much more experimental. I get so tired of eating the same meals weekly! While I am not a master of it yet, I have become quite good at having each dish cooked and ready at the same time. Nothing getting cold for the most part. Like I said, I'm still working at it, but it's so nice when everything comes together.


I love Glee: Okay, now I have known this since the series began...but...with the second season started, I am an even bigger fan! I look forward to Wednesdays when it's posted on Hulu for me to watch. Since we don't have TV, all the watching is done on the internet.


I need to loosen up a smidgen: Here I am at 28, with no kids and I feel like I'm chained to so much responsibility. Of course, as an adult you will have responsibilities, but nothing like how I feel. I married into a mountain of debt and because I HATE debt, I have been obsessed with it. It has been my goal for ever to get rid of it, but it has come at an even bigger cost...my happiness. I've been blaming Rob for us not getting to do all the things that we wanted to...it was his debt and his irresponsibility that has us tied to it...and it's my responsibility to make sure we pay things off. Well, we have. We have done nothing, but pay off debt for the past year and I am exhausted. There is still so much further to go, so while my friends are going on amazing vacations and holidays are passing without seeing family...we are pushing to pay off this debt and I'm over it! Blah! It has and is causing resentment between Rob and I...my own doing...and I need to remove that from our marriage. Don't get me wrong, I am not going to throw up my hands and walk away! I just need to bring more balance into it. I'm thinking we should make a point to schedule a vacation once a year...something big like a cruise or a 5 day stay somewhere either with friends and family or just the two of us. Also include a small trip to see family over a holiday weekend. I miss my family so much and would love to see friends more often. All part of getting back to me! A big part of me is travel....I love to travel and see knew places and I haven't done too much of that since we've been together and I am ready to change that!


I need a job: Yup, it's that time again and I need to find another job. Nothing has really opened up around here and while I hated my job as a police officer, I was making 40k a year. Granted, that really isn't a lot for what it involved; nevertheless, it was 40k a year. LOL...now I am back looking for something else and it is not looking promising. I did just applied for a position with South University as a Library Asst. I am most excited about that even though I'm sure I'll be lucky to get 30k a year. I believe mostly it's about 26k. Eek! I also half heartedly applied for a position as a Forensic Tech position with VBPD. Also, starting out at 30,800k a year...still involves shift changes and so on...but a girl has to work. I am also in the process of checking out the Air Force Reserve. They have Historian positions available, which is right up my alley and would really benefit my career goals in the long run. It's not a definite thing yet; but it is something that I'm working on. I like the idea.


So many thoughts and ideas to work through and more keep coming, but it has been great getting to know myself better and really figuring out what I want. The way I see it...I need to start praying about everything and fearing nothing....Jesus will be back before I know it and I'm not missing the boat! 

THE BOOK OF AWESOME by Neil Pasricha

1000 Awesome Things Check out this blog if you don't already. It is a great way to start the day. It will fill you with laughter, while looking at the person next to you and sharing your own awesome thing.

What are some of your favorite awesome things?

I Heart Libraries!

So over the weekend, I was in Milwaukee for the MLIS orientation. While my program is online, I wanted to meet my advisors and some professors face to face. I felt like this would be the best way to start out a new path and quite frankly...I am so excited about this opportunity that I want to do it all!

Rob and I flew out at 5:55am on Thursday morning. We almost missed our flight actually. They had to hold the door for us! Luckily, we managed to get settled without really bothering anyone. Since Rob bought our tickets at different times, we weren't seated together on any of the flights. We made it to Detroit with no problems and were able to grab some breakfast before the quick hop to Milwaukee. That flight was fantastic...so short!

As I was exiting the plane there, I could already feel the difference in the weather. When we flew out of Norfolk the days had been in the 80s. In Milwaukee on Thursday it was a brisk 30 something! It even snowed a bit. We got our rental and went straight to the extended-stay hotel. We were so tired from the lack of sleep that we ended up grabbing lunch at Chilis and not leaving the hotel the rest of the night. Bedtime came pretty early for us. (Milwaukee is Central Time Zone.)

On Friday we were up at 7:00 and out the door at 7:50. The drive to the campus was wonderful. We took Lake Dr. so we could cruise past the lake and it was so pleasant. We started the day off with some great stuff...free t-shirt, water bottle, tote, and magazines. Plus we had a continental breakfast. I love muffins. :o) The orientation lasted until 4:30, but it went pretty quickly. I was able to speak with my advisor and meet some fellow students, some who will also be DE students. Turns out the student organization was planning a little get together afterward, so Rob and I joined up with them. They took us to a place called The Safe House. The idea behind the restaurant it awesome. It's this whole spy theme. You have to know the password to get in or you have to do some silly trick. The door is hidden and so on. It really was a lot of fun, but the food was sub-par at best. Afterward, a few of us went for drinks at Champions?? I think that's the name of the place. Nice out of the way place. It was great hanging out with them. We played a fantastic game of Apples to Apples and called it a night around midnight.

Saturday was pretty uneventful. We stayed close to the hotel, went grocery shopping, and just watched some TV. Rob and I don't have cable or anything like it, so it was fun to actually watch HGTV. On Sunday, we went to the Milwaukee Art Museum. It was so beautiful inside and Art in Bloom was taking place. Art in Bloom is where florist interpret pieces in the museum in floral arrangements. It was a wonderful exhibit to be able to see. Also the Woman with the Veil by Raphael was on display. Stunning! The museum had so many wonderful galleries, but there was no way that we were going to be able to see everything that morning. Rob was scheduled to flight out on Sunday. (Did I mention that our tickets weren't bought at the same time...lol) So after the museum, we grabbed lunch and headed back to the hotel. Basically, we hung around there until it was time to take him to the airport. That night I sat in front of the TV and watched Brothers & Sisters! I was so excited that I was able to do that...not to mention it was a 2 hour show!!! Awesome.

Monday was my day to fly out. I packed up and went to meet Morgan for lunch at 1230. It was good food and good conversation. We were there until 4:00. I think that was more my doing than hers. My flight wasn't leaving until 6:30pm, so I had nothing else to do but sit in the airport. It's been forever since I had lunch with a girl...I've missed it so much. There are so many things to talk about. She was so gracious to listen to me chatting away. LOL...I believe she was having fun too. :o)

From there I went to the airport, returned the car, and settled in for my two hour wait. Surprisingly, the time past quickly. The flight was ahead of schedule and we landed in Detroit in no time. We left there on schedule and landed in Norfolk ahead also. I had to actually wait for my ride instead of the other way around. Any frequent flier know how that goes. Jack was so excited to see me. Purrs nonstop. Because I felt sorry for him, I left him sleep in the room with me and he loved every minute of it. Today he has hardly left my lap. So spoiled.

This trip was the icing on the cake. I was already excited about the program and now I can't wait for it to start! September seems like forever away. Ugh! I get to enroll on the 20th, so I'm counting down. It's going to be awesome!! WOOO! Overall, it was the a fantastic opportunity and I was able to meet some really great people who I hope to keep in touch with.

 Erin and Andrew at Champions

Allison and Morgan at Champions 

 18K Gold Tea Set by Tiffany & Co....how awesome it that!

Shopping!

Whew...another week. Thank you! Yesterday was awesome. I spent the day shopping, which I don't do often. It takes me way too long to decide on something, especially when working within a budget. We have a clothing "envelope", so we can only spend what is in set aside. Luckily, I received an Express gift card for $100 for my birthday; plus, I had a coupon. Yes! I love coups. Rob agreed to meet me at the mall, since he really does have a good eye.

I have to admit, the beginning of the shopping experience was stressful. After about an hour and a half, I had an armful of items to pick from and I didn't "love" them. Now if I had the money to just buy what I want, then I would definitely have been excited about all of them. They looked good on me and I liked them; however, since I shop within a budget I really need to love whatever I buy. Besides, everyone knows if you don't love it in the store you're not going to love it when you get home!

So while standing in the side aisle trying to talk with Rob about what to get, take his thoughts into consideration, stay within my budget, and still get the stuff that I wanted and that was in my head when I walked into the store...I almost had a breakdown! I've never been so stressed out while shopping. I was at the point of just leaving and coming back later. I couldn't figure out what went wrong. I was excited to go buy a few spring/summer dresses and get some cute shoes to go with. I knew that I wanted a pair of plain black slacks and two cardigans (a black and a white). These were all things that I knew that I wanted. Yet, looking in my hand I only had one thing on that list. I realized that it all broke down when we first walked in and I found this great cream/off white long cardigan that I was drawn to. I loved it, yet I let Rob talk me into grabbing a short one. I love his input and while I had an idea in my own head, I was basing what I was picking up mostly on his opinion.

At this point, Rob had to be heading back to work. Turns out that this was for the best. Once he left, I started all over. I put back all but two skirts that I had been carrying around and focused on what I really wanting. Rob had mentioned before he left that I should buy what was on my list, since he knew that would make me the happiest and cut down on my buyer's remorse. Therefore, I went back to some of the things that I had in my head when I first walked into the store. I wanted some cute, summery dresses. In my head, they were short not long. I picked up a few to try on...I went back to the first creamy long cardigan...checked the sales rack...and grabbed a pair of crop wide waistband Editor pants in black. When I came out of the dressing room, I knew without a doubt what I wanted and better yet, I was happy about it!

I ended up with a purple dress, the Editor pants, a gray t-shirt from the clearance rack, my creamy cardigan, and a little black skirt that was 40% off. I then went to Payless and picked up three pairs of shoes. A light yellow colored slip on, a gold gladiator sandal, and a navy blue/grey wedge. The only remorse that I felt when I made it home was that I had spent my gift card and all of the money in the envelope. While that is what it's there for and Rob did say I could spend it, I felt bad that I spent it all and Rob ended up with none of it. I guess the next time it gets a nice chuck in there it will be his turn. Regardless, I look fabulous in all my new stuff. Below are a few pictures of my loot! I know the pants are khaki and the cardigan black in the picture, but pretend. :o)