This year seems to have passed quickly. I've never been one to wait for a year to pass...months maybe...but never for the whole year. With it coming to an end though, I've been thinking about all that has happened or didn't.
This year Rob and I made the decision that we were going to do whatever (legal) possible to get out of debt. We were both tired of the paycheck to paycheck thing and I, personally, have always hated debt. The younger me was determined to have money and be able to travel and buy all the best gifts on birthdays and never have to worried about bill collectors. None of this is because I imagined being rich...or famous for that matter. It was just because the last thing I ever wanted was to be like my parents. Yet, here I am with a crap load of debt. Mind you, over a third of it was not mine to begin with. It has slowly been puffing out my dreams, so when Jennifer (MIL) gave us the book Total Money Makeover I was willing to try anything. I started that book and had it finished in two days! It was just what I needed and I pushed Rob it read it and by the end of February we were both committed. We haven't looked back!! We managed to pay for our entire wedding with cash and will have another credit card paid off by the end of January.
This year we were also married. After 3.5 years of living together and playing house, we said "I do." It was a beautiful wedding. The scenery was amazing, the photographers extraordinary, and guests...loved. I had my old girl scout leader/second mom marry me and my father give me away. He cried most of the time!! I think the absolute best part of the whole thing was getting to have my most cherished people there with me. I enjoyed getting to hangout with my friends from Oklahoma, as well as make new friends with wives...love you Erin! It was a picture perfect memory.
This year was also my first year on the streets of Norfolk as a police officer. I spent the entire year battling evil. Ha ha...and have learned some things about myself that I never would have.
This year hasn't been easy, but it has been educational. There was something missing and it's taken until recently to figure out what it was. It was me. It was the me that laughed at all things and didn't get stressed out. It taught me that I had lost myself during these last three and a half years. Similarly, I can recall so many times throughout the year that I had no direction and couldn't figure out what I wanted. I had no passion. I have no passion. I learned that I don't have a real passion for anything. I've never been so fascinated with something that I studied it, well, besides psychology. The only real hobby I have is reading...which I do love! I learned that I don't laugh as much. I learned that I'm angry and hurt. Mostly, I've learned that I'm unhappy with whom I've been/become. And it's amazing! It's such an empowering feelings to realize something of that magnitude and know that it doesn't have to be that way and it can change.
So for the last few months I have started taking steps to find the me that I've lost and not only reconnect with that person, but make her better! I'm impatient and selfish, but I want to change that. I don't express kindness to the people I care for outwardly like I want to...like I should. BUT I can change that. I can change all of that and that's what I am going to make 2010. My year of change and growth. I'm going to shed this fur coat and be all shiny and new...but like everyone knows, it will take brushing and brushing and more brushing. It's going to be uncomfortable, scary, and hard...but it's going to happen. "For the Lord did not give [me] a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 <= Life verse...thanks Kellie for the idea. ;o)
One of the blogs that I started following had the following questions posted as a question: Can 2010 be better than 2009? The author, Tess, was using the questions to help us change how we experience 2010. (Her words...not mine.) It made me think and thus this blog. I've included the questions and my answers.
What was the most important thing you've learned in 2009?
- The most important thing that I've learned this year is that I'm unhappy.
What did you absolutely love about 2009?
- I love that this year Rob and I started our road to freedom by developing a solid budget and doing a total money makeover.
What do I want to do more of that I didn't do enough of in 2009?
What did I do in 2009 that I'll never do again?
- Apologize for being me