Wednesday, December 23, 2009

What's this...Excitement?

 It has been so long since I have really been excited about life. When I think back, I can remember being excited about moving to Washington. Man, that was a great feeling...driving across country with just the cat and all the snow. It was beautiful and it was thrilling to be starting something new and so completely unknown. It was the beginning of something wonderful and something crazy. I was starting out on my own and beginning my adventure. At the time, I felt like it could only get better.

When we got the news that Rob got the job here in VA, it wasn't the same. It was exciting that he had a new job that was going to pay such good money and great benefits; however, the excitement and exhilaration that I felt packing up my Escape and heading west was not there.

I've never thought of living in Virginia. One thing that I had been taught about this state is that it was humid and I hate humid. I came from Oklahoma for goodness sake. When the humidity hits 30%, I'm a place where the humidity is at least 90% all the time was not appealing.

With the truck changes and so forth, it took us a week to move from one coast to the other. We arrived here and spent out first night on Ocean Naval Base. Rob went to work the next morning and left me to pack up the room including the cat back in the car and then go entertain myself until he got off. Upon getting to my vehicle, I notice that some jackass had bent my antenna. That was the beginning of loathing this place I know call home.

In the two years that we've lived here, I can't say that I've learned to love it...matter of fact, I've barely learned to tolerate it. 95% of the people are rude, self-centered, and terrible drivers. The traffic is atrocious every day and I find getting to work more stressful then work itself...and I'M A POLICE OFFICER. I deal with the stress of the lazy and crazy all the time...not to mention the possibility of death. That's saying something! Not to mention the terrible weather. It's hot and humid most of the time and it rains...they have hurricanes, Nor'easters, and!

Anyway, with the move here I've lost or let go of the excitement of life's possibilities. I wanted experience, so that I could finally move on to the career that I had pictured myself in since I was like 7.  With that, I applied to the police academy. No, I've never wanted to be a cop, but it was the experience that I needed. I went through the academy less than half-heartedly. It was an accomplishment to graduate and it did feel good, but I can honestly say that I was not excited....and pretty much everyday since has been just another day at work. Just working toward something better. However, that something better was not sparking the excitement that I was lacking either.

In October, Rob and I talked about our future and where we wanted to go. It was at that time that we decided it was time to get the show on the road. Secret Service here I come! But wait, there was one thing in my eyesight. I needed to be 20/60 uncorrected and I can tell you that I am nowhere near that. enforcement discount and done deal. Scheduled the surgery for the 28th of this month. Saved the $2900. We were ready to go...but why wasn't I happy?

During that time, Rob was traveling a lot for work and that's really when I started this blog. I wanted to find my happiness again and I've been working on it ever since. So why was the life long dream of becoming a federal agent no longer exciting to me? What was exciting to me? How had I lost all of my excitement?!

I started thinking about hobbies that I had and things I loved to do. I always came back to one thing...books. I love to read and I love libraries. Oh all the books and all the possibilities. You can be a pirate, princess, wizard, or time traveler all in one day, one place! But to be a librarian, you need a masters...crazy right. I started looking into it and I found so many disciplines within that one area of study. I went to the local library and spoke to one of librarians there. She told me about the Virginia Librarian Conference in was in October. Rob was home that weekend and I was off, so we headed up there to check it out. I spoke to Florida State and University of Texas about their programs and gathered up as much info as I could.

Then I felt it...but what was it...? The more I learned and researched, the more the feeling grew. It was my friend, EXCITEMENT! It had returned and with everyday it was growing.

Finally, I had to tell Rob. So last week, I asked Rob to check into a school for me and from there we just took off. I told him how law enforcement, even federal, wasn't doing it for me anymore and how for once in forever I was looking forward to something and truly excited about it. I informed him that I wanted to get my Masters in Library and Information Systems with a concentration in Archives. He was in totally agreement.

While I would love to get my eyes done...I'm over contacts and hate glasses...I agreed to cancel my LASIK. Man, it was at such a great cost...$2400 after rebate. But to move toward my new dreams, we still needed to pay off the debt and pay for the classes. I've decided to apply to University of Wisconsin - Milwaukee, which has a deadline of February 1, 2010 for the fall semester. Online, of course. I'm busy working on my applications, letters of recommendations, and taking the MAT...I'll worry about the GRE later. I only need one for the application and the MAT is so much easier. :o)

(Best part yet...with a new direction comes a possibility of a new location!)

Everything is moving fast, but it's filled with my old friend EXCITEMENT and I couldn't be happier. It looks like 2010 is shaping up to be all that I been looking for and that is something to exclaim! And I found it a library.

"Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning." Gloria Steinem

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

If you just listen...

Amazing. That's all I can say. This morning I woke up and did my usual. After breakfast, I took my shower and decided that that would be the perfect time to spent talking with God. I've been trying to put a little God and I time into my days and I thought that the shower would be the perfect place. You're alone and you really don't have any distractions. At least, I don't...I could take a shower in my sleep.

So I spent my shower time conversing with the Big Guy and I told Him that I was listening and that I was waiting to hear from Him and I waited.... Then a thought popped into my head: I should go to the church. I've been needing to take my tithing in for some time and I've been telling myself to do it...but like normal, I've put it off. So  I thought it was something that just crept in and was interrupting my listening time. I pushed it out of my mind and continued with my shower. I finished up and got dress, but the urge to go by the church kept coming up. That's when I figured it was probably God talking to me and I was definitely going to listen. I said out loud...okay, I'm going to the church. I asked Him to make sure that someone was there and to make me brave.

Now that's a weird request when you're on your way to church, right? Well, the thing is I haven't been attending regularly. I would imagine that it's been over 3 months since I last went. I have been active or a regular in a church, since I left Oklahoma. I attended one on and off in Tacoma and I just started going to this church at the beginning of this year. I feel very self-conscious, so I get a lot of anxiety. Why? Mostly because I feel like I'm way behind everyone there. I'm only a born-again Christian of 5 years...which to some would seem like a very long time...but I've been away from "my" church since 2007. So it really isn't that much experience and then not knowing anyone there is also stressful. Since I'm not the type of person to strike up a conversation with a stranger in an unfamiliar place, it takes me awhile to meet people. However, I have been setting aside money every month for tithing and have been meaning to go to a service to give it.

Anyway, I keep telling myself that I need to get back into church and start meeting people and it's one of the things that is one my list of things to do in 2010. It's a stop on my road to rediscovery!

So back to my day...I grabbed the money and walked out with the same feeling that I needed to go to the church. I decided that since the gas station was on the way, I'd fill up my car for tomorrow too. I stopped at the station, filled up, said a silent prayer, and headed the half of block to the church. There were several cars in the parking lot, so I knew that someone had to be there. I made it to the door and there was a sign that said "This door is locked. Please knock." I knocked my police two people opened it. They were very welcoming and pointed me in the direction of the office.

I was given a tithing envelope and I filled it out, stuffed the cash in, and licked it close. I went to turn it in to the Pastor in the office and she was so friendly. She introduced herself as Katie. She is the pastor of women's ministry. We talked briefly about Rob's job and my attendance, then she said she wanted to give me she went out into the hallway and pulled three services on CDs that she thought were just wonderful and she didn't want me to miss out. She gave them to me. Normally, you have to purchase them. Then she told me to give her a call every know and then, so that I can stay caught up. (With my work schedule, I can't make it to services when I'm on day shift.) She was so open and nice and it really made my day. I actually gave her a hug to show my gratitude. <= Not normal for me!

I am so grateful to have been there today and that I listened to what the Lord wanted me to was good. :o)God is great! He does know what is best for us and what we really need and I really needed that encouragement. I told her that I would be in service on Sunday, so I must be there!

Oh a different note....Rob and I had a very productive conversation about the ex and there was no yelling or fighting or hurt feelings. Let me tell you, that doesn't happen. It was as if we were actually on the same page! I thanked the Lord a million times for that last night. Had He not been at work, I'm sure it would have been a huge failure. So Rob had heard what my friend was saying the other night and while some things had transpired yesterday morning that prompted the conversation, we were able to be open and honest with our thoughts and come up with a good solid plan to make everyone feel better. One win.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Validation! was so good to hear those words leave her lips..."as a single parent you have to do what you have to do." (Ahhhh and the clouds open with a bright light)

Last night, Rob and I went to dinner with a friend of mine who is currently starting the divorce process. She has a little 3 yr old and I think she is the most adorable kid ever. It was a great time with yummy food and some tasty drinks. We spent the time talking about how things were going with her and the new apartment and so on. Through that conversation she said two statements that were music to my ears. The first one is that at 3 years old, Rachel, helps with the chores around the house. She helps pick up, do the dishes, and so on. Now of course she is only 3 so her helping is limited...but it was the mere thought that my friend believes that even at that young age she should learn to do the chores with picking up the house and taking the dishes to the kitchen. I have always believed that at the age of 2 a child should start to learn the importance of cleaning up after themselves by simply having them help pick up their toys with you. As they grow they can eventually do it by themselves. I'm of the mind that children need to be taught to take responsibility for themselves as they grow and develop, so that at the age of 18 they are capabily of caring for themselves when going off to college. I thought I was crazy for thinking that at such a young age it was okay to encourage the children to help around the house and as they get around 5 to give them actual chores that are their sole responsibility like feeding the cat. Age appropriate things, of course. It will build a strong work ethic, which so many people...especially young people...lack. It was wonderfully to hear an actual parent say that they do it.

The second statement was the one quoted in the a single parent you have to do what you have to do. She's been taking part time work a couple times a week to make sure that the bills are covered and when she has Rachel, she spends quality time with her. While she would love to be able to stay at home and spend more time with her little girl, she knows that she has a bigger responsibility to that child to provide for her. With that said, she made the decision that with the time they spend together to make it quality. It's what I've always had in my mind with all the people that I know who are single parents. You have to do something. You cannot just wait around for someone else to do it for you.

Rob's ex-wife is not a doer. They have been divorced for 3 years and she is still living at home with her parents. She has been working on her degree since 2007 and yet she is nowhere close to finishing. At first she was just taking one class at a time and until the beginning of 2009 it stayed that way. She finally started taking two classes. The woman does nothing else. She lives at home with no job. She lives off of her dad and Rob's child support. You would think that given the situation...the children are sharing a room, she's 31...that she would be working her butt off and doing whatever she could to make changes; however, that is clearly not the case. Personally, I would go mad living at home with my parents at the age and I would like to believe that I would be doing what I could and taking every advantage available to me to do it with. Rob and I are even providing her with the perfect opportunity to get ahead. When they divorced, we ended up with all of their debt. Rob wanted to give her a chance and didn't want them to have to struggle. So she was debt free and living at home free of charge...what else could a new single mom ask for? It was the perfect setup to move forward. Her parents changed their schedules to help with the kids and help financially and yet here we sit 3 years later and no closer to anything.

It's so frustrating to see someone with no determination and no ambition. Especially someone with two small children.

I was hoping that Rob heard what my friend was saying. That he was listening to a fellow parent in a situation much worse than that of his ex and how she was determined to do what she needed to do; as well as, the fact that children as young as 3 can help out. I have always felt like I was being ridiculed at saying such things and he would often say that I didn't understand because I didn't have children of my own. Well, vindication is mine!

While I know that neither I nor Rob have any real say in the way that his ex lives her life and the everyday activities of the children, I hope that it will give Rob courage to push his children to take more responsibility for themselves and that when the opportunity presents encourage the ex to put some effort forward. If not for herself, but for those children that she claims she makes every decision for.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Whew! Time is passing far to quickly. Only 13 days until Christmas and I still need to send out Christmas cards, finish decorating the tree, and actually go shopping! I'm not sure what it is, but this Christmas season has been missing some of the magic that I normally feel. Often times I have the tree up and done the weekend after Thanksgiving and a good idea of presents and so on; however, this year I just haven't felt very "Christmasy". It could be for a hundred different reasons; however, I am hopefully that once Rob and I finish the tree and gifts are starting to be purchased and wrapped the normal excitement will return.

So the other day, I went and purchased what I thought would be the entire Christmas Story and Sanctuary. I was so surprised the the whole setup was only $79.99. So I walked up to the clerk and said, "do you still have that?'" and pointed to the display. The clerk walked to the back and brings out this large box. She checks everything, I verify the price, pay, and off I go. I was so excited to get it home and set it up. Because of our budget, we have very few Christmas decorations. I have to use my imagination most of the time. I was sooooo happy to find it at such a bargain that I used my own money that I've been saving up. When I get home and finally get the thing out of the box, I notice that there are no people. I checked the box again, read the sides and the flier that was included...apparently, it really was just the sanctuary! I was upset because the lady forget to give me the people! What was I going to do with only a stable and no people!! So I get back into the car and drive back to Hallmark. I reread the sign and there it's $79.99 each! Ugh! How did I miss that and why would the clerk think I would just what the sanctuary?! Since I never clarified what exactly I wanted and she never asked, I left with an $80 stable. *sigh*

Because I was so sure that she had made a mistake, I hadn't brought the sanctuary with me to exchange or return. Therefore, I had to drove back to the house and repack it. Granted most of the styrofoam was destroyed during the fight to get it out of the box. I used tape and reconnected each part and finally put it back in the box. It was late by this time, so I put it next to the couch so I could return in the next day. Well, it's still sitting behind the couch 6 days later. I read the receipt and am a little worried about being about to return it. It reads no returns on sale items and all seasonal items are final. While it is a seasonal item, they have had it in their story since as far back as July that I can remember and it's been marked down to $79.99 for several months as well. I'm really hoping for some luck here or maybe if I just get story credit I'll be able to exchange it for the smaller Willow Tree nativity scene. I'm hoping to get an answer sometime today.

Last night was Rob's company Christmas party. It was the second annual party that is given by his boss' wife at their house. I love going over there and Bob & Christine are amazing. Both Rob and I had a great time. Since it's a smaller company branch, you get to know everyone very quickly. We all talked and played some Rock Band. Christine made the best Sangria I have ever had! I'm going to need to get that recipe! I only had a little time to take pictures, but I've included them anyway.

One of my crafty and cheap Christmas Decorations

The mantel

Me before leaving for the party

Trying to get a good picture of the two of us

Everyone hanging out and the yummy Sangria

Charity and Austin

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Saturday Nothings

With the year end right around the corner, I've been giving a lot of thought to the new year. This year has been such a weight on me and I'm finally feeling like I can breathe again. I have this determination that I've never had before and I love it!

I'm determined to make 2010 a year of purpose, achievement, and most of all...discovery. Slowly a bucket list for the year has been developing. Right now it's short, but I'm trying to add something to it everyday. By December 31st, I should have a pretty decent list going. This will be a first for me and I'm looking forward to it.

I'll be setting up everything for Christmas tomorrow. It is so unlike me to have waiting this long; however, with the family in town over the Thanksgiving holiday I had so much more to do. While Rob and I on our budget, we don't have much to decorate with yet but I manage. I can't wait until we can put more money toward the holidays. I'm going to go nuts...and it's going to be fabulous!

Yet again, I will be working both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. It's good money; but I love the idea of getting to be with family instead. Melodie is having a big Christmas dinner with the whole family and we're going to miss it. That is one of the things about living here that I dislike the most. I'm so far from family. I never would have thought that I would miss the family get together's so much. I'm looking forward to the time when I'm in a job where  working holidays isn't even thought of and we're in a position to attend no matter where we are living. The Lord has definitely shown me through this move how important my family and friends truly are.

Thursday, December 3, 2009


This year seems to have passed quickly. I've never been one to wait for a year to pass...months maybe...but never for the whole year. With it coming to an end though, I've been thinking about all that has happened or didn't.

This year Rob and I made the decision that we were going to do whatever (legal) possible to get out of debt. We were both tired of the paycheck to paycheck thing and I, personally, have always hated debt. The younger me was determined to have money and be able to travel and buy all the best gifts on birthdays and never have to worried about bill collectors. None of this is because I imagined being rich...or famous for that matter. It was just because the last thing I ever wanted was to be like my parents. Yet, here I am with a crap load of debt. Mind you, over a third of it was not mine to begin with. It has slowly been puffing out my dreams, so when Jennifer (MIL) gave us the book Total Money Makeover I was willing to try anything. I started that book and had it finished in two days! It was just what I needed and I pushed Rob it read it and by the end of February we were both committed. We haven't looked back!! We managed to pay for our entire wedding with cash and will have another credit card paid off by the end of January.

This year we were also married. After 3.5 years of living together and playing house, we said "I do." It was a beautiful wedding. The scenery was amazing, the photographers extraordinary, and guests...loved. I had my old girl scout leader/second mom marry me and my father give me away. He cried most of the time!! I think the absolute best part of the whole thing was getting to have my most cherished people there with me. I enjoyed getting to hangout with my friends from Oklahoma, as well as make new friends with you  Erin! It was a picture perfect memory.

This year was also my first year on the streets of Norfolk as a police officer. I spent the entire year battling evil. Ha ha...and have learned some things about myself that I never would have. 

This year hasn't been easy, but it has been educational. There was something missing and it's taken until recently to figure out what it was. It was me. It was the me that laughed at all things and didn't get stressed out. It taught me that I had lost myself during these last three and a half years. Similarly, I can recall so many times throughout the year that I had no direction and couldn't figure out what I wanted. I had no passion. I have no passion. I learned that I don't have a real passion for anything. I've never been so fascinated with something that I studied it, well, besides psychology. The only real hobby I have is reading...which I do love! I learned that I don't laugh as much. I learned that I'm angry and hurt. Mostly, I've learned that I'm unhappy with whom I've been/become. And it's amazing! It's such an empowering feelings to realize something of that magnitude and know that it doesn't have to be that way and it can change.

So for the last few months I have started taking steps to find the me that I've lost and not only reconnect with that person, but make her better! I'm impatient and selfish, but I want to change that. I don't express kindness to the people I care for outwardly like I want I should. BUT I can change that. I can change all of that and that's what I am going to make 2010. My year of change and growth. I'm going to shed this fur coat and be all shiny and new...but like everyone knows, it will take brushing and brushing and more brushing. It's going to be uncomfortable, scary, and hard...but it's going to happen. "For the Lord did not give [me] a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 <= Life verse...thanks Kellie for the idea. ;o) 

 One of the blogs that I started following had the following questions posted as a question: Can 2010 be better than 2009? The author, Tess, was using the questions to help us change how we experience 2010. (Her words...not mine.) It made me think and thus this blog. I've included the questions and my answers.

What was the most important thing you've learned in 2009?
- The most important thing that I've learned this year is that I'm unhappy. 

What did you absolutely love about 2009?
- I love that this year Rob and I started our road to freedom by developing a solid budget and doing a total money makeover.

What do I want to do more of that I didn't do enough of in 2009?
- Laugh

What did I do in 2009 that I'll never do again?
- Apologize for being me

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

A Tribute to Those Who Wear the Shield

Dear Family, Friends and Fellow Colleagues,

Prior to November 29, the number of officers lost in the line of duty across this country stood at 107. One hundred and seven officers had given their lives in sacrifice so that others may sleep safely and securely in their beds each night. Today that number stands at 111. Some departments have been hit particularly hard, losing multiple officers. Any single officer lost is a tragedy that spreads grief throughout the ranks. Losing additional officers multiplies that grief many more times than the number lost. On November 29th, it happened again. We lost four heroes from one department in the span of mere seconds. Four brave officers who donned their shields every day to serve and protect their citizens. They rose each day and put on their uniforms. They put on their belts, their guns, their equipment, and their shields. They looked in the mirror before they left for duty to straighten this or shine that. They were four representatives of every law enforcement officer across the nation and they had to look their best. They were cops and that means something...something important.

Every officer knows the risks. They know each day when they pick up that shield that it could be the day they won't come home. Their families know the risks. The sorrow, grief, and enormity of their loss cannot be tempered by that knowledge. There are four more families in Washington tonight who know that sorrow, that grief, and what the enormity of that loss feels like; four families whose loved one did not come home that night because they were taken away. There are four friends who cannot be called on the phone to share a laugh. There are four co-workers who won't be there to back up their fellow officers, give them a pat on the back when they do good, or a nudge in the right direction when they do not so good. There are four guardian angels who gave their all for a city that depended on them. They were four of Lakewood Police Department's finest who were out on the streets every day, always putting their lives on the line, putting themselves between danger and those they protected. And now they're gone; senselessly slaughtered.

They gave their lives to the service of others and that service will never be forgotten. They will never be forgotten. There are no explanations. No amount of words can explain why this happened. We can only take solace in the fact that we know they were welcomed to Heaven by friendly smiles and warm handshakes of the brothers and sisters who have gone before them. We can take comfort in knowing that now they will patrol those golden streets on angel wings and nothing like this can happen to them there. They are safe now.

All four officers had been with the department for five years since its inception, and each one of them was a parent. Sergeant Mark Renninger was 39 years old and had 13 years of law enforcement experience. He is survived by his wife and three children. Officer Ronald Owen was 37 years old. He had a total of 12 years of law enforcement experience and he left behind his daughter. Officer Tina Griswold was 40 years old. She is survied by her husband and two children after a total of 14 years in law enforcement. Officer Greg Richards was 42 years old and had a total of 8 years of law enforcement experience. Among those mourning his loss are his wife and three children.

The staff of "The Shield" would like to express our most heartfelt condolences. Our thoughts and prayers are with these brave officers' families, their friends, their fellow officers, and their brothers and sisters in uniform across the State of Washington and the nation. We grieve with you and pray that God will hold you now in the palm of His hand and comfort you in your grief as only He can do.

May God Bless you and your families and our fallen brothers and sister of Washington.

Warm regards,

John A. Pasko
Founder/Chief Executive Officer


When I start my tour of duty God,
Wherever crime may be,
as I walk the darkened streets alone,
Let me be close to thee.

Please give me understanding with both the young and old.
Let me listen with attention until their story's told.
Let me never make a judgment in a rash or callous way,
but let me hold my patience let each man have his say.

Lord if some dark and dreary night,
I must give my life,
Lord, with your everlasting love
protect my children and my wife.

A Police Officer's Prayer
Oh Lord, while I'm on my beat
May I know that you're with me,
And protect me as I go to guard
Other's lives and property.
Help me ignore those who scorn
And show me no respect,
But be mindful of all citizens
I've sworn to protect.
Be with my fellow officers
And guard their safety too.
May I always put duty first
In the work that I must do.
May I not disgrace the uniform
But bring pride to the badge I wear.
That I'd be a good policeman, Lord
Would be my only prayer.


Monday, November 30, 2009

Thanksgiving 09

So today concludes my Thanksgiving break...5 days off feels so great and it's depressing to have it end.

My new in-laws drove up from Georgia to spend the holiday with us. I always love having them around. Jennifer, my [step]mother-in-law, is such a blessing. Being a stepmom too, she understands my frustrations and is so willing to let me vent about the ex and the situation. She is also so much fun to have around and just to chat with. I think that's what I miss most about not being in Oklahoma anymore. I miss just hanging out with the girls and talking about nothing. While I tell myself that I need to give my girls a call, I often don't. So it's great when I get to spend time with Jennifer.

Bob's, father-in-law, company is good for Rob too. They think so much alike and have similar interests. Rob, I think, really misses having good friends around also. Having his dad here gives him the opportunity to debate and discuss things that I have little knowledge and interest in.

Then there is Becky, my sister-in-law. LOL! She is actually more like my younger sister than anything else. She just turned 19 and started college. She is the typical teenager and even though we don't speak often (she's usually online, listening to her iPod, and watching tv) I think as she continues to grow up, we are going to be good friends and I look forward to that.

I am so thankful that of all the things that couples fight about, family is not going to be one of them for Rob and I. I adore his parents...including his bio mom.

During their stay, Bob and Rob fixed the fence and siding that was damaged during the Nor'easter that came through on the 15th of November. Rob enjoys working on projects like that with his dad and it's good male bonding time. Jennifer and I cooked the turkey and...well...pretty much the entire Thanksgiving dinner. Rob did make mashed potatoes. :o) After dinner, everyone sat down to play the Ultimate game of Monopoly. Rob and Becky love playing and always have this competition thing going on. Who will beat who and whatever. I'm not a big conquerer of things, so that game isn't fun for me...unless I'm just paying with someone who doesn't play to dominate everyone else. Granted that is the game, but that's not fun. :o)

Black Friday had Jennifer, Becky, and Rob out of the house at 0320. I was not willing to get up and go shopping that early in the morning. It's not fun for me, so I slept in and spend the morning with Bob. After hitting like 6 stores, they finally came home around noon. Boy, there were bags everywhere! And of course, they were all exhausted, especially Becky...who didn't go to sleep the night before.

Other than that, the rest of the time was spent eating leftovers and hanging out. Their last night here we went to the Botanical Gardens to see the lights and sat out on the porch with the fire going to share stories. S'mores were attempted, however, it was so cold out that the chocolate was like a rock! I believe we all had two and called it good. The around 2300 we were all hungry for something other than turkey, therefore, we ordered some pizza.

They ended up leaving around 0430 on Sunday, which I missed because I was sound asleep and they didn't wake us. Instead they left a note. Either way, it was a wonderful holiday and great company. I am sad that they are gone and that they live so far away as I'm sure Rob is too. The house feels much emptier without them. Who knows, maybe one day soon we'll pack up and move closer...closer to them or closer to my family...closer to someone.

Oh, one thing I did forget to say is that on Saturday night Jack bit Rob. Jack, the cat, is always stressed out when we have company especially when Bob & them bring their dog, Belle. He was on edge the whole trip and on Saturday night while he was sleeping, Rob decided to pet him. That's not unusual and normally Jack is good to go. This time, he was so scared that he bit Rob's hand. He was literally hanging from his hand. Cat bites are dangerous because of the saliva, so Rob soaked it in Alcohol and Peroxide. He bandaged it and headed to the urgent care facility Sunday morning. He had to get a T shot and is on an antibiotic. He'll need to go back tomorrow for a check up. It's imperative that he keeps it clean and watches for infection. Luckily, Jack is an indoor cat and comes in contact with no other animals. There is no chance of rabies or anything like that. I'm just glad that it was Rob and not Becky or something. Rob knows Jack and knows that it was out of fear...whereas, Becky doesn't know him and might develop a fear of him. Everyone is good it's a-okay!

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Coat of many colors...

I am a newlywed...a wife. While I've been with my now husband for 3.5 years this January, I have only carried the title...or patch if you will...of Mrs for 2 short months. I'm growing accustom to my new last name and calling him husband opposed to fiancé. Furthermore, we have lived together for nearly the entire relationship, so there is not much different in our daily lives. However there was a huge change. The biggest and most stressful part of our union is another "patch" that was tacked on the minute I said "I do". I am now a new STEPMOM to two young children, Adrianna (7 yrs old) and Gabe (4 yrs old).

Going back to the beginning of my relationship with Rob, I had no idea he had children...let alone that he was married. Had I know about them, I can say that I would not have given him a second thought, which is part of the reason he chose not to tell me. Once I did find out, I had serious reservations, but let my heart win out. I loved him...well, love.

I could easily say that I am not a kid person. I've always liked my space and I really dislike whining. However, I don't detest children as a whole. Just like with adults, I find children that I adore. I've always been the type of person that as soon as I meet you, I either like you or I don't and that goes for both children and adults. So I can meet two children at the same time and like one and not the other. For instance, a fellow officer has a little girl, Rachel, and I absolutely love her. She is the cutest little thing and when I look at her I just smile all over.

So when Rob finally got around to telling me that he had children...not one, but two...I was devastated. Of course, there is so much more to that story. He knew that I wasn't a kid person, but he was positive that I would absolutely love his. They are smart and kind and polite and well-mannered. Pretty much the same spiel that you would get from any other loving parent. I have yet to hear someone say that their children are horrid little beasts. I, of course, was skeptical for more reasons than one. With the kids also comes a mom....but that is for another day.

After two years of being together, I finally met them and like with every situation there is good and bad. His children were attractive, mannered children like he had stated; however, that did not change my first meeting selection process. I found that I did not particularly care much for his daughter, but I was good with his son. I've labored over this for quite some it because his daughter is a mirror image of her mother and his son, him? Is it because his daughter was all over him the whole time and constantly daddy this and daddy that? Or is it just my behavioral pattern? I find that it is probably a little of some.

Rob and I find his children and ex-wife to be the biggest and nastiest war zone in our coupling. It's near impossible to explain to your spouse, or anyone for that matter, what it is like having to share your partner with children that are not part of you. To share them with another woman and know that they have a bond that even you don't share. Through all the different situations that have arisen and fights fought, I've come to somewhat resent their existence in my relationship. What they represent both past and present.

I find myself miserable when trying to riffle through all the thoughts in my head. The logical vs. the emotional is a constant conflict. I can continuously tell myself that they are children and are not out to destroy my marriage or my life and give several intelligent reasons why that is true. But my emotions still flare up with hurt, loneliness, anger, and jealousy. This battle has left me drained, unhappy, and dreading the future. The battle has slowly, but severely, chipped away at my affection for my husband...and at our overall relationship. His inability to understand where I'm coming from and mine to accept the inevitable.

Now with this new journey of mine, I have decided that the best policy is to be honest with my feelings about the situation, as well as, to gain as much insight as possible.

Over the last year and a half, I've spent more time with them and have grown to accept his son's presence much quicker than his daughter's. I've read a couple of books about stepmothering and searched the internet to find answers and most recently started finding blogs for stepfamilies and specifically for stepmothers. I need support to grow and mature in this new patch that has been sown onto my coat. I need a place with people that I can vent to without worrying about what kind of person they think I am...someone outside of my relationship and the children. While I have my friends, who I know will let me vent, I need people who have been in my shoes and understand my feelings. Through all the reading and research, I've come to realize that it's okay if I don't like them right away...or ever...we just have to show respect for each other and treat each other well. While I am not willing to give up on any positive relationship with my stepdaughter, I am okay with what it is and where is it for now.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

And now it starts again...

So I finally finished bringing my old blog from xanga over here. There was no way to import it, since xanga uses RSS and only for the last few entries. I had to copy and paste everything to a word document and then transfer it in to an entry. Then I went through and reformatted everything. It still didn't turn out exactly right, but it will do.

I was surprised at the feeling of accomplishment that I had once I finished it though. It was as if the writer's block that I had was removed once I put all that here. I was able to go back and read all those old posts to see how I used to put things into words. It provided me the opportunity to reconnect with some of those feelings; mostly, the feeling of friendship. Those two years were rollercoasters, but I always had good friends to share them with. They were always there to brighten my day by laughing at whatever hardship I was having and to enjoy the good times. I miss that. I miss my friends and everything they each offered into my life.

So in the spirit of thanks...I thank each and everyone of you, my friends, for the many gifts your friendship have giving me. From dancing at Scooters, cherry bombs at Gerts, tattoos, Applebees, shells & cheese to road trips, photos, church and relationship talk...thank you. You are all in my heart and I treasure every memory.

Friday, November 27, 2009

In the Beginning...

Wednesday, 01 June 2005

Currently Playing
Garth Brooks
By Garth Brooks
If Tomorrow Never Comes

You know that one moment...the one where a past mistake hits you like a Semi Truck...when you had the opportunity to say how you truly felt, your opinion or when you shouldn't have said anything at all...yeah that moment. Everyone has them and I say them because they tend to occur more than once in life. Isn't that funny? Well, that same truck ran my down last night. Out of nowhere, like it was hiding behind a bush and jumped out at me.

HA, can you imagine a semi-truck hiding behind a bush and jumping out yelling "BOO!" That's funny. That is funny.

Anyway, the sudden realization of my lost opportunity saddens me. I don't live my life with regrets at all, hence the reason I overthink everything! I accept the consequences of my actions even though there are times, in a moment such as this, that I chastise myself for them. I had the perfect chance to say how I felt, but I was too terrified of the reaction I would get to go through with it. Now, as that semi jumped out and slammed into me, I realized what a mistake it truly was. It might have changed the outcome had I had the courage to say it aloud and not just in my head. Unfortuantely, this is a reoccuring problem for me. You'd have a better chance with Fort Knox then my feelings, but that's a whole other story. So now that I've had this epiphany, the fret of what to do about it has taken over. I could just leave it as is, which seems to be the easiest situation; however, I would have to live with the what ifs. If I decide to just tell them the next time we talk it might be too late. It might be weird or what if we never talk again. Then what. They would never know. I'm not really sure what to do here, so any advice from anyone would be welcome. And while this is going on in my head, I still continue to live my life...

Memorial Day came and went. Nothing too exciting happened. I stayed at home and cleaned my room. It has been raining on and off for the last few days, so there really wasn't much point in going out. I applied for a job on Tuesday. That was fun and went to change my schedule around for fall. I also stopped by Cingular to see about a new plan. The lady was all sorts of confused on when things were coming in and changing. So I think I'll go back next week. I ran the Near-Death Mile this morning. It went quite well, plus I took along my new cd. I think I enjoy running with music, of course that would not surprise anyone who actually knows me. I do everything better with music. It's a great cd. It's funny how I always make cds after an event in my life. Hmm. Well, this cd is super fun.

1. (I've had)The Time of My Life
2. You Look So Good in Love
3. I've Got the Blues
4. Heaven is a Place on Earth
5. Cry
6. Shameless
7. Hollaback Girl
8. Memories of Us
9. Since You've Been Gone
10. I Can Only Imagine
11. Next To Be With You
12. Fishin' In the Dark
13. He Ain't Worth Missing
14. Grace Like Rain
15. I See It Now
16. Paint Me a Birmingham
17. Sugar
18. You and Me
19. Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now
20. Hide
21. Blame It On Mama

I met the girls at church at the usual time. We covered the last part of the Songs of Solomon. It was the last section of Committment. I would strongly suggest everyone read this book and watch the videos with Tommy Nelson. It's a wonderful learning opportunity and I truly think it will help any relationship. Then I came home...talked to the a call from Pete. He's really not such a bad guy. And hey, at least he's called. That's more than I can say about LT. He hasn't even sent me an email. Well, that's the end of today. Overall, all is well.

Later Days, Jo


The semi-truck was camouflaged, sorry about the spelling. That is why you didn't see the cheeky little bugger. You should probably get out your feelings in some way. Email him, write them down for yourself. You need to do something, keeping them pent up can't be good. But then again, I know not a lot on that whole thing. Memorial Day was another adventure for me and my family, . Oh yes, fun times as always. As for that one lady, confusion happens, I'm sure she meant well. I enjoy the CD Danyel made for me too. Really just the Hide song, but yeah. Church was fun as always, except for the seating arrangements. But it worked out. Things will work out for you too, in that other situation. (iheartmyacl)

I agree. I am excited you wrote such a big entry. Way to go! As far as advice goes- I have none but as soon as the lightbulb comes on I'll let you know. I'm so glad you like the CD. And I agree once again about Church. The seating arrangements made me nervous. I don't handle change well. (Danyel)

Saturday, 04 June 2005

Currently Watching
By Helen Hunt, Bill Paxton

Callie’s wedding went very well. It was very simple and it went quite quick. I had a good time. She looked so happy and just beautiful in her dress. Tiffani and I went together; as it sometimes happens, we were running late. As we were getting on to Post the officers decided to check us. He even said quote…”Are you going to the wedding?” We quickly answered yes, because we figured that would mean that he would let us go. No. He did not do so. All he had to say was “Oh, you’re going to be late.” Yes, guy. Thank you for pointing that out. After they checked the car and everything, we had like 3 minutes to get to the church. It was insane. We ended up just sitting in the back.

We headed over to the reception for a bit then we went to Gertlestones to meet Laci. It was a good time. They had a dj and we danced, of course. Chris, Pat, Bryan, Scott, and Kevin were there. I love those guys. They are awesome.

Well, while we were there I met Rob. He’s a major out at Fort Sill and he runs the classes for captains or something to that effect. He was quite nice. I also meet Mike and Jason. They are both from England. They are here visiting their friend, Rick. It was a good time. Mike actually asked me if I would go to lunch with him today, which I did. He is all sorts of funny. I think it’s that whole British thing. After lunch we went out to the Refuge, so he could see a Buffalo and some Prairie Dogs. I can’t believe he didn’t know what a Prairie Dog was. Good times. Then we stopped at the Sonic for a couple of Cherry Limeades. He’s never had one of those, so that was an adventure. I dropped him off around 5ish. He wanted to go to the movies tonight, but the weather was getting crazy (as it normally does here in Oklahoma); therefore, I told him that it would be best if we tried it another night.

NOW the fun stuff…I saw this huge car accident right in front of me! It was intense. This gray van right in front of me slowed down somewhat to turn onto Deyo Mission from Lee. There was a F250 at the corner waiting to turn right and a white suburban heading east. The Suburban was not even 20 yds away when the gray van turned in front of it. There was no time to brake, so they just collided at 60 miles an hour. It turned the van completely around and then the suburban hit the F250. The driver of the suburban had a broken collarbone; the passenger was having severe chest pains and the baby in the back had a seat belt burn on her neck. The guys in the F250 were unhurt and the people in the van were just angry. They didn’t seem too hurt. Wow. I saw it coming so I had already slowed down to a stop as I watched it happen then I pulled off to the side of the road and called 911. I gave my statement and came home. There were like 3 tornados in the area, so my mom was blowin’ up my phone. I love Oklahoma weather! All is well now.

Okay, so that was my Saturday. It’s been pretty eventful. I think it’s best I just stay in tonight. Don’t need too much fun.

Until Later, Jo


Glad you had a good time at the wedding. I too hate the random checks at the gate. They happen though. Meeting new people is fun. Hope he is a nice guy and not a butthead. Adn praire dogs could confuse anybody. Yeah, car accidents are kinda scary. Glad you were safe and cautious. Woohoo for 911! I love Oklahoma weather too. Never know what to expect. (iheartmyacl)

Sounds like you've had one eventful weekend. I'm glad you have made a new friend and he sounds like a good time. I had never seen a prarie dog before either until just this year? I don't remember who took me to the prairie dog park but I had a good time. It's quite an experience. Yes, this weather was insane. Not to mention I am a storm-phobic! *shivers* My mom said they had to close off the road by my school and some people were hurt. Scary, huh? Luckily I was at Red Lobster and..well somewhere in Lawton durring this even.

See you at church

Friday, 10 June 2005

Currently Playing
Almost There
By MercyMe, Mercy Me
I Can Only Imagine

Today was very unproductive. Watched too much tv and spent too much time on the computer. I did, however, read more in my book. Haven't finished it quite yet, but soon enough I'm sure.

Went to Kari's after the sorority stuff tonight. We spent our time looking at and all of the available guys in our area. Hmm... Quite entertaining. Kari and I have decided that with the way the past couple of weeks have gone, we must go out tomorrow. I, on the other hand, find that luck is not on our side; therefore, I shouldn't be going out. Peer pressure. Tisk Tisk. I haven't been out to Scooters since we met Alaska and Matt out there. Yeah, it's been awhile. Three weeks or something. I'll miss seeing them out there. One of the reasons to go.

All is well I suppose. The weather has been humid with the highs only in the lower 90s, which is nice. The heat index has been around 105. You know, the usual. I hate the humidity. It makes my leg ache.

Okay, once you start talking about the weather the entry should end. So I'm all done.

Until Later, Jo


Not sure what it was about today, but I don't think to many people were productive. And a little looking never hurt anyone, have fun. They can't tell you they are from England, or Austria in a picture now can they. Sorry about your leg. It could be work. 6/10/2005 12:26 AM Iheartmyacl, huh? Nice...
Glad you had an ok day. Mine wasn't productive either. 6/10/2005 12:29 AM Danyel

Hey, I Can Only Imagine is an AWESOME song!!! 6/10/2005 11:40 AM AGeezie1

Monday, 13 June 2005

Wow, what a busy weekend. This is going to be short because I have to get on the road.

Friday: Kari and I went out to Scooters. It was full of army guys. All seemed to be from the new OBC class. Isn't that lovely. I've never missed the guys so much. We used to joke around about them being typical guys and whatnot, but this new class is outrageous! Very rude, immature, and abhorrent. Well, besides their obnoxious behavior...they weren't so bad. None were attractive and that whole standing around the dancing floor hootin' and hollerin'...yeah, not so much. Kari and I closed down the bar and went back to her place. Thanks Pete for being so cheerful at 3:00a.m. (your time.)

Saturday: Kari and I woke up around 11:00am. We had to get ready for Stacie's wedding and since Kari wanted to go shopping before, we needed to head up earlier. We picked Tiffani up at 3:00 and went on up to Norman. Hit Target, then Kristy Kreme. Umm...tasty. After our donuts, Kari drove us over to Toby Keith's house. Amazing. Just like something you would think he lived it. Then we headed over to the wedding. It was beautiful and very simple. Stacie looked gorgeous! The reception was very traditional with the toasts and champagne. I was very impressed. We headed out early so we could met Lisa, Emily, Josh, and John out at Scooters. Kari thought we needed a redue because of Friday. I was okay with not going, but that's okay. Nothing too eventful happened.

Sunday: Kari and I had to meet Tiffani at 12:30 to go to Wichita Falls to help the chapter at MSU work on communication groups and bump & rotate. I enjoy the girls there, so I had a good time. It was unbelievably hot in their suite though!! Wow. After practice, I dropped Kari off at her place then came home to at home before leaving. I talked to Mike and Pete. AND LT!! I was quite surprised. Not that he called, but kinda? You know? Hmm, It was a good surprise. I was so tired and everything that I didn't really make much conversation. At least I don't think so. There were some things that I wanted to tell him, but I forgot. It was just good to hear from him. I miss him. (which I'm not too fond of.) Anyway, he said that he would give me a call later this week or at the end of the week. I can't remember which...but it was one or the other. So I hope to hear from him by Sunday at the lastest. (Cross your fingers, ladies!)

Okay, not too short. Anyway, I'm leaving for Kansas now. Woo Hoo!! I need to pay my Victoria's Secret card on the way out though. I love that store. Vegas here I come!!! What was that you said Jennifer? What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Until Later, Jo


WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wait, did he call you, or how did that happen. Who cares, at least you got to talk to him a little bit (even if you don't wanna miss him and all that jazz). I'm glad the rest of your weekend went well. I too hate abhorrent guys. Aarrgghh. I'm glad to hear that at least one alpha phi chapter is doing ok, nd at least working on stuff for recruitment. Anyways, all of my crosable parts are crossed for you in hopes that he calls you later. And if not, hey, we will sic my mom on him. 6/14/2005 12:11 AM Iheartmyacl

I'm very excited LT called you. That's fabulous. I hope you have fun in Vegas. Will miss you! And yes, we can definitely sick Jennifer's mother on you and I'll jump on his back and hit him repeatedly in the head with a ginormous rubber bat! How does that sound? Like a party to me!!
Glad you had such an eventful weekend. I look forward to hearing from you (Danyel)

Sunday, 19 June 2005

Currently Reading
By Kate Chopin

Wow, I love Vegas. It was good fun. All I'm going to say is "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!" Needless to say there was a lot of sleep lost. I highly recommend The Piano Bar at Harrahs! Thunder Down Under is a must for the girls!

I love to fly! Planes are awesome. On the return flight this man spent most of it throwing up. I felt sorry for the lady sitting next to him, but she was very nice about the whole incident.

Hello to my new friends at UMass...Kath, Dino, Mike, and Jill. Thanks Charlie for the drinks and the rose!

*Sidenote: If you want to know the whole story, give me a call.*

Later Days, Jo


Woo hoo, can't wait to hear the juicy detailes. Woo hoo, and how cool for a name, DINO!! Sweet!!!!!!!!!!! And a rose????? *raises eyebrow* 6/19/2005 10:53 PM Danyel

Monday, 20 June 2005

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

Part Expert Kisser
You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off.
And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

Part Romantic Kisser
For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance
You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea
The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood
It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet


Ok, here I am to leave you a comment. I enjoy the quotes from your previous entry. And I love that song. Not sure why, but its really good. Congratulations on the expert status. Knew you had it in you. 6/21/2005 1:18 AM Iheartmyacl

To be fair, I made a xanga account to post comments here. So we're even. 6/21/2005 5:00 PM hoserian

Friday, 01 July 2005

Currently Listening
Beach Boys - Vol. 1-Greatest Hits
By Beach Boys

Apparently this site is no longer a secret. Not that I put anything on here that is private, but I like to give my friends a chance to express themselves without having to worry about the repercussions. I just find it incredibly hypocritical for people to talk about others ( by others I mean myself) and say horrid things, call names, and whatnot; but when I even speak in their direction they freakout, cry, and say I hurt their feelings. I find this humorous because most of the time I'm not even speaking about them. Haha.

Disclaimer: All comments on this site are between myself and the commenter. Most of them are made in reference to something that has happened between us or while we were together. (This would be an inside joke; therefore, only the ones on the inside are privileged to know the meaning.) Nothing is meant to hurt anyone's feelings and nothing on this site will disparage anyone. I'll mind my business, please mind your own. Thank you.

It's not that I mind people reading what I put up. That's fine. If I really cared that much I would make it private. However, I do mind when people assume things about what is being written. We all know what assuming does. *wink wink* I really am trying to be nice and just move on. Not holding grudges or anything. I meant everything I said in those emails. I just don't understand why it's such a big deal to just suck it up and move on. I never have talked about people behind their back; at least, not something I didn't/wouldn't say to their face.


on a happier note. Laura arrives on Saturday. I'm very excited about that. I can't wait to see her. I haven't seen her since December. Frank's party. Ha. That was good fun. Talked to Pete last night. Yeah...nicely done. I can't wait for tonight. Tiffani, Laci, Kari, and I are going out!! Woo! It's been awhile since all of us went out together. It's going to be a blast.

A lot like this picture… (picture is awol)

How much fun would we have here, Ladies!!

Until Later, Jo


I love you. All that needs to be said. You are awesome, and have a heck of a lot more courage then I do. I'm excited that you are excited about seeing your friend. Its always nice to see old friends. Have a good time tonight, and behave yourself. 7/1/2005 12:40 PM Iheartmyacl

I'm excited that you are excited about seeing Laura. I am excited and I don't know her. I love you, too! I love everyone, I'm so full of love. Aha. 7/1/2005 12:42 PM Danyel

“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.” Andre Gide 7/1/2005 1:14 PM Iheartmyacl

Ohhhh, another one.
"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it" Mark Twain
I love Mark Twain  7/1/2005 1:19 PM Iheartmyacl

Oh look I am back. " The world is a dangerous place. Not because of the people who are evil; but because of the people who do not do anything about it." Albert Einstein
Sorry, I just get excited about quotes. 7/1/2005 1:30 PM Iheartmyacl

So nicely done in fact, that I don't remember what I said. but boy am I sorry i said it. it's enough to keep me from drinking. now just waiting to see if you'll speak to me again. 7/1/2005 2:02 PM hoserian

hmmmmm 7/1/2005 6:55 PM thedivapalumbo

Thursday, 07 July 2005

Currently Listening
Who I Am
By Jessica Andrews, Jessica Andrews
Who I Am

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
Who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.


I liked that. It is very insightful. I had to read twice to fully understand it, but its good. I hope everything is going great. It has been a while since we have last talked. Yep. Thats it, . 7/7/2005 12:42 PM Iheartmyacl

hmmm...yes. I agree. 7/7/2005 3:26 PM hoserian

I am rosemary's granddaughter. The spitting image of my father. And when the day is done, my momma's still my biggest fan. 7/8/2005 9:00 AM Danyel

but what's funny, is that her grandmother's name isn't Rosemary. At least, if i remember the interview correctly. It's been a few years. 7/8/2005 11:10 AM hoserian

"Whatever you are doing love yourself for doing it. Whatever you are feeling, love yourself for feeling it." Not sure who wrote it. 7/8/2005 2:10 PM Iheartmyacl

Monday, 11 July 2005

ATTN: JENNIFER AND PETE (You guys should be the only two that can read this. Of course, I'm not sure why I'm letting one of you. Hmm...*having doubts*. I'm sure it's fine though.

Okay, see what had happened was...

I had this dream last night that was so real it freaked me out. I was talking to Pete on the phone and I was all sorts of emotional for some reason. I have yet to determine why. Apparently we were arguing or something. I was quite tired in my dream as well, so I guess that's my excuse. Next thing I know I'm telling him that I love him. At first he doesn't believe me, which I think that's why I was emotional. Hmm, not sure. Of course, in reality, I would be emotional because I was telling someone that. HA. Then Pete told me he loved me. Hmm, yeah. So then I woke up. All sorts of disorientated. The fear I had...hmm. First word that came to Run fast. But it was just a dream. Hmm.

Since I was up at 4:30 and Pete was up getting ready for PT and whatnot, I figured I would say hi. Then I laid in bed until about 6:30 and finally fell back asleep. Hmm, yeah, so. There you have it.


Thank you for putting my name first. I'm sorry your dream was so real. I have dreams like that, well not like yours but you know , real ones. They aren't fun. Maybe it was something you ate? :-/. I'm sure its fine. Yep. 7/11/2005 11:58 AM Iheartmyacl

Maybe you were just really tired and on the phone...and think it was a dream! but i think i would remember that conversation, so probably not. And what does it matter who's name she put first? What's the point in looking into little things like that? 7/12/2005 8:26 AM hoserian

Wednesday, 13 July 2005

Currently Listening
By Rodney Atkins
Honesty (write me a list)

So today has gone quickly. Dad and I almost killed ourselves on the Near-Death Mile. Wow, it was way too hot to go 3 miles. I have no idea what we were thinking. Needless to say, it was a very long trip.

Right now I'm getting ready for tonight. I have a bioterrorism exercise at 3:45am. I need to be there by 3:30am and it is scheduled 'til 8:00am. Hopefully, we'll get out a bit early so I can sleep alittle before I leave tomorrow. Dad and I are leaving for OKC at noon. That way we'll get there around 1:30 and miss the rush hour traffic. It will be good father/daughter time. We're going to grab something to eat and just hang out until it's time for me to head to the airport. Then I get to entertain myself while I wait to fly out. Woo. I'm sure it will be a good time. I'll have my music and a book, so all is good.

He said just think it over, and write me a list
So we can figure out what we both deserve
She hardly could believe it, that their love had come to this:
Dividing and deciding his and hers
But she grabbed a paper napkin, asked the waitress for a pen
And one by one, she wrote down what she wanted most from him.

Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust
A little less time for the rest of the world
And more for the two of us
Kisses each mornin', I love you's at night
just like it used to be
The way life was when you were in love with me.

She reached across the table and placed it in his hand
And said "you know this isn't easy for me"
As he though about the new car, the house and the land
And wondered what that bottom line would be
And a thousand other things that she'd want him to leave behind
but he never dreamed he'd open up that napkin and find:

Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust
A little less time for the rest of the world
And more for the two of us
Kisses each mornin', I love you's at night
just like it used to be
The way life was when you were in love with me.

Well he fought back the tears, as he looked in her eyes
And said "I don't know where to start"
And she said "Everything on that list in your hand
Is written somewhere in your heart"

Honesty, sincerity, just like it used to be.
The way life was when you were in love with me

Later Days, Jo


nice song. what more could anyone ask for. except maybe ice cream...and cake. homemade cookies now and then would be nice. mmmmm....cookies... have fun on your trip :) 7/13/2005 6:22 PM hoserian

I like cookies! 7/15/2005 10:55 AM Iheartmyacl

Come home soon..... . 7/18/2005 11:09 PM Iheartmyacl

Monday, 25 July 2005

Currently Listening
10 Things I Hate About You: Music From The Motion Picture
By Various Artists
Your Winter

Grey ceiling on the earth
Well it's lasted for a while
Take my thoughts for what they're worth
I've been acting like a child
Your opinion, and what is that?
It's just a different point of view

Ooh, yeah

What else, What else can I do?
I said I'm sorry, yeah I'm sorry, Oooh
I said I'm sorry, but what for?
If I hurt you then I hate myself
I don't want to hate myself, don't wanna hurt you
Why do you choose your pain?
If you only knew how much I love you, love you

I won't be your winter
And I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven, Ooh yeah
And I will be here

Old picture on the shelf
It's been there for a while
A frozen image of ourselves
We were acting like a child
Innocent and in a trance
A dance that lasted for a while, Ooh
You read my eyes just like your diary,
Ooh remember, please remember, Oooh
Well, I'm not a beggar, but what's more

Is If I hurt you, then I hate myself, I don't wanna hate myself, don't wanna hurt you
Why do you choose that pain?
If you only knew how much I love you, Noo

I won't be your winter
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven
And I will be here, Oooh


Nooo, I won't be your winter, I won't
Cause I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven, I know
And I will be here
I won't be your winter, I won't
And I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven, Whoa I know

And I will be here

Hmm, should I continue to write this or should I just forget about it all together? It took a lot to write it the first time. I was going along at a steady speed and then I started talking to him. Resulting in struggling...once I rewrite this it will make more sense. *deep breath* Breathe. Just Breathe.

Reaching for someone who isn't there...

That's the one thing I've been avoiding since the start of my dating life. Needing someone there, but them not actually being there for some reason or another. It's a fear. A terrible, haunting fear that sometimes overwhelms me. Being left alone.

Remember when you keep asking me what I was thinking and I just said nothing? I'm sure you do...apparently it happened quite often. Not on purpose. It was never something I planned on or anything. I didn't like not telling you. I saw that it got to you. It's not because I didn't trust you or was afraid of your reaction/feelings on it. It wasn't you at all. Haha, yeah I know. I know. You've heard that before, right? It's not you, it's me. Haha. That's not what I'm talking about exactly. It's a bit different. Sort of. It is me. All of it.

I was raised to not show weakness or vulnerability. Hence the reason you had trouble doing your job. I would have to completely let go and I don't know how to do that exactly. Haha, don't let your emotions get in the way of making decisions. Haha, and guilt. Asking for things results in guilt. Yeah, as you know I didn't ask for anything and I felt bad when you bought me stuff.

I'm not good at sharing my feelings and thoughts. It's much easier over the phone or on the computer. I don't know why. You can't see me. See me thinking.

Anyway, back on track with where I was going. I was thinking about us. Obviously, right! Thinking about you and what you were doing to me. How you were getting to me and how stupid I was to let you. I knew better. I did. I could have stopped it, but I didn't. I let you. I went with it...I wanted to. Without any thinking or worrying...I fell into it. And boy did I enjoy it. Haha. Then the thinking would come all at once and overwhelm me. That's usually when you noticed. You noticed I got quite and was staring out the window and listening to the music. Ah, the music. Music is does it for me. Calms me down. Takes me away to think. To rest. To just be there and do nothing. Long Distance. Long Distance. Long Distance. How stupid could I be?! It was there. Glaring me in the face and I ignored it. Stupid. *shakes head*

Reaching for someone who isn't there...I did that last night. Turned over and reached out for his arm. Then I realized he wasn't there and wasn't going to be there. All I found was Pig. Stupid Stupid Stupid.

This one act reveals everything and it petrifies me. What to do now? What to do? What to do?

Tuesday, 26 July 2005

So I finally made it home. I wasn't too sure with that last flight though. Man, I hate aisle seats. Never again!

The trip was great! I had so much fun. Kinda didn't care to come back. Blah! Not because the scenery either!! I just enjoyed to company so. Can't wait to visit again. Woo!

Later Days, Jo


Glad you made it home and you're alive. 7/26/2005 2:42 PM Danyel

Well whether you wanna be home or not, I'm glad you are home. I'm sure the flight could have been worse. You could have been in the middle seat, nestled between two rather large, travel weary passengers, who had not the time to bathe between flights, who both have an excessive sweating problem. Think about it. 7/26/2005 3:06 PM Iheartmyacl

Tuesday, 26 July 2005

Currently Reading
The True and Outstanding Adventures of the Hunt Sisters : A Novel
By Elisabeth Robinson

Can I ask you a question please
Promise you won't laugh at me
Honestly I'm standing here
Afraid I'll be betrayed.
As twisted as it seems, I only fear love when it's in my dreams
So let the morning light come in and let the darkness fade away

Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?

Drowning in my loneliness
How long must I hold my breath
So much emptiness inside I could fill the deepest sea
I reach to the sky as the moon looks on
One last year has come and gone
It's time to let your love rain down on me

Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?


I'm feelin like I'll blame it on love
I'm feelin like I'll blame it on love
I'm feelin like I'll blame it on love
I'm feelin like I'll blame it on love
I'm feelin like I'll blame it on love
I'm feelin like I'll blame it on love

Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?

Cuz I'm feelin like I'll blame in on love

I'm feeling like I'll blame it on love (until fades)

Okay, so I'm using the Protected thing again. Apparently that's the safest way to go; not for myself but for others I care about. *wink wink* You know who you are. You should feel special. You're the only one who gets to read this besides (you know who).

So how important is a title anyway? Does it do anything? Hmm, let's see. I suppose it helps to identify and gives an explanation to others not directly involved; but what business is it of theirs anyway? If they're not directlly involved then apparently their opinion isn't important. However, there are the select few what aren't directly involved for other reasons, but it would be important for them to know, right? Hmm, this is too complicated. Titles or labels make things easier to some extent. One word satisfies everyone's curiousity and makes it very clear, whereas, others could lead to assuming and whatnot. This, of course, isn't our concern. Who cares what they say/think! Nonetheless, it does help the people involved too. Let's them know exactly what is expected of them and where everything stands. It's concrete. No way to misinterpret.

I want to be happy.
I want you to be happy.
I want to know that you're sure.
I want to know that I am sure.

What do I want, you ask? I want whatevber is going to make you happy. I want what you want. And that will do.

"Sometimes we put up walls- not to keep people out- but to see who cares enough to break them down."


well, I've wanted you to change that picture for a while, and that still hasn't happened :) but seriously, we're kind of at an impasse, because i want what will make you happy. Haven't i been saying that you have to do what's best for you? I know, rhetorical questions, really. we'll talk about this later 7/26/2005 2:44 PM hoserian

The picture is now changed. *nods slightly* 7/26/2005 5:16 PM wonderfullyverbal

I see, i'm not good enough to be in the picture with you...well, other than my shoulder. (j/k) 7/26/2005 5:26 PM hoserian

HEY! You wanted to just put me in it anyway! Dang! Never satisfied. *shakes head and smiles broadly* 7/26/2005 5:43 PM wonderfullyverbal

well, i could say alot...but i won't. yet....[dun dun dun] yeah, sound effects don't work so well in text...Stop mocking me!! 7/26/2005 5:52 PM hoserian

Friday, 29 July 2005

Main Entry: boy·friend
Pronunciation: 'boi-"frend
Function: noun

1 : a male friend
2 : a frequent or regular male companion of a girl or woman
3 : a male lover

Entry Word: boyfriend
Function: noun
Text: a male romantic companion

Synonyms beau, fellow, man, swain

Related Words admirer, crush, steady; gallant, suitor, wooer; beloved, darling, dear, favorite, flame, honey, love, lover, sweet, sweetheart, valentine; date, escort; groom, husband; fiancé, intended

Main Entry: re·la·tion·ship
Pronunciation: -sh&n-"ship
Function: noun

1 : the state of being related or interrelated

2 : the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship: as a : KINSHIP b : a specific instance or type of kinship

3 a : a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings b : a romantic or passionate attachment

Main Entry: love
Pronunciation: 'l&v
Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lufu; akin to Old High German luba love, Old English lEof dear, Latin lubEre, libEre to please

1 a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests b : an assurance of love

2 : warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion

3 a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration b (1) : a beloved person : DARLING -- often used as a term of endearment (2) British -- used as an informal term of address

4 a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) : brotherly concern for others b : a person's adoration of God

5 : a god or personification of love

6 : an amorous episode : LOVE AFFAIR

7 : the sexual embrace : COPULATION

Main Entry: 2love
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): loved; lov·ing

transitive senses

1 : to hold dear : CHERISH
2 a : to feel a lover's passion, devotion, or tenderness for b (1) : CARESS (2) : to fondle amorously (3) : to copulate with
3 : to like or desire actively : take pleasure in
4 : to thrive in

intransitive senses : to feel affection or experience desire

Entry Word: love
Function: noun

Text: 1 a feeling of strong or constant regard for and dedication to someone

Synonyms affection, attachment, devotedness, devotion, fondness, passion

Related Words appetite, favor, like, liking, partiality, preference, taste; craving, crush, desire, infatuation, longing, lust, yearning; ardor, eagerness, enthusiasm, fervor, zeal; esteem, regard, respect; adoration, idolatry, worship; allegiance, fealty, fidelity, loyalty

Near Antonyms allergy, animosity, antipathy, aversion, disfavor, dislike; abhorrence, disgust, repugnance, repulsion, revulsion; misanthropy

Antonyms abomination, hate, hatred, loathing, rancor

2 a person with whom one is in love -- see SWEETHEART

3 positive regard for something -- see LIKING

Entry Word: sweetheart
Function: noun
Text: a person with whom one is in love

Synonyms beloved, darling, dear, flame, honey, love, sweet

Related Words beau, boyfriend, fellow, lover, man, swain; gal, girl, girlfriend, ladylove, mistress; date, escort; gallant, suitor, wooer; groom, husband; fiancé, intended; admirer, crush, steady

Friday, 29 July 2005

It's a friday night and I'm warming the couch, which I'm quite all right with. Watched some Real World. That was a good time. I remember when Laura and I would sit around pondering what we would be like if we made it on that show. Of course, we would be oodles of fun. Needless to say, we both agreed that we couldn't get drunk every night and bring home random guys. Our roommates calling us "The Voice of Reason". Come on now, that doesn't sound so bad. It has power to it. *tee hee* I must say it could be a good time. Great house, a job (which I'm currently hurting for...badly), and a killer vacay! They send these people to Europe all the time! Africa, yea! Who wouldn't love that. There are some downsides as well. For with strangers! Yeah, that's not my cup of tea really. Two: Bathrooms so open. Hmm, I'm too self-conscience for that. I guess I would have to get over it. Haha. It's a nice thought though.

Thought. Yup. Being doing some of that. Unfortunately only one things manages to occupy my mind. I was never supposed to be one of those girls. You know the ones. Being all about some boy. Thinking about him to the point of being illegal. I'm sure it's an invasion of privacy or something. However, there is a slight difference in the fact that I'm not sitting around pining for him. My thoughts wonder off to the other facets of the relationship. Relationship. Hmm, that's an interesting word isn't it? I don't use it often. Never any need. But apparently that's what I have now. A relationship. A relationship with a really great guy. I love the way he makes me feel. Smart. He makes me feel smart. Not because he isn't. He's intelligent. Witty too. Yet he never makes me feel ignorant, which is funny because I am on a lot of subjects. He always tells me I'm hot. Haha. Regrettably that word does nothing for me. So many guys throw it around that it's just another word to me. Like cool. The different implications of that word are almost infinite. So silly. Besides when I hear "hot" I think of Paris Hilton or Carmen Electra. Neither of who I can be compared to or want to for that matter. But beautiful is a whole different story. I can't recall if he's actually used that word, but it doesn't matter. He makes me feel that way. Haha. Do you know how hard it is to write that about myself? It makes me feel like I'm conceited to the point of feeling guilty. Haha. Ridiculous. And the word beautiful is classic. It conjures up women like Audrey Hepburn or Doris Day. Now these women were elegant and charming. (Or so I'm told) These would be the women I would like to be compared to definitely. Gosh, but there's some many other feelings too. Wonderful ones. Like that "just of the shelf of your favorite bookstore" feeling. All brand new. Completely different. Exciting with a beautiful new smell! Haha, how silly I am. But there's all the favorite familiar ones too. Like the smell of your dad. Or grandma's cooking. You know scent is the number one thing connected to memory. But if I had to use one word to describe it, all of it, I'd have to say...comfortable. I'm comfortable with him. 100%. Like when I went to see him. I was worried that it would be awkward, but it never was. Like it was something I did everyday. And I fit perfect in his arms. This relationship is like a nice, warm bubble bath. Or pumpkin pie fresh out of the oven with whipped cream. I'm giddy with excitment.

Then I have more thoughts. These ones good, but hard to grasp. Like if this silly boy actually commits to marriage, what needs to be done. Where would the wedding be? He lives in NY. I'm here. Small wedding there and two receptions. One there and one here after we're married. Or vice versa. Flower girl, ringbearer...etc. Haha, all silly things to think about at this point.

However, not all the feelings and thoughts are rosey. I have those dark ones that bring low clouds. Is he serious? He lives in NY. You won't be living together for a few years. Is he serious? Why would he want to be with you? What is he thinking? Doubts. They just creep up there. I spend most of my time fighting the fear. I want to believe the fuzzy, warm ones. I want to think of it as my fairy tale story. My own happily ever after. So I do fight them. Mostly because I don't want to run away. I don't want to give up and hide from them. I can't.

So just sitting here on a friday night. Warming the couch. Oh, he's on the phone.*deep breath* I need to finish this and he distracts me terribly. Not wanting to save this now. Too open. Too revealing. But I put all of that into it. I have to. I have to let him go and call him back. Okay, calling him back. *deap breath*

Thursday, 04 August 2005

Currently Listening
A Decade of Hits
By Charlie Daniels Band
Devil Went Down To Georgia

Palee sent me flowers!!! The are super beautiful! He is all sorts of sweet. So I received them yesterday afternoon. Apparently the delivery guy needed directions to the house and since I was already in town with Taco, we had to drive back out to the house. Haha. I thought it was the fridge my parents just bought. Since they didn't say who they were or what they were delivering, I probably shouldn't have given them directions. Oh well, they didn't try to kill me or anything. So all is good.

After the flowers, Taco and I went back to town. Went to Walmart, Subway, and one other place, but the name has escaped me at the moment. *shakes fist*

I also went to Cingular and changed my plan, which entitled me to a new phone. Always good fun. Now I'm trying to get a new ring. I'm thinking The Devil Went Down To Georgia is fun or Just A Lil Bit by 50 Cent. Not sure yet. Maybe both.

Today I think I'm going to go job hunting. Technically, I should have been doing that, but things happen.

Later Days, Jo

Saturday, 06 August 2005

*All times are estimated; not including call times*

9:30pm: Arrived at Scooters...waited for Kari and Chad

9:45pm: Get in and head to "our" bartender...yes, he knows what we want without us actually having to order it. Perfect!

10:10pm: Order shot...$2.50 special

10:30pm: Laci arrives

10:30pm-1:00am: Danced with Kari, Chad, Tony, Justin (I believe that's his name. He's Kari's friend.), and some LT (OBC) from Minnesota who can actually two-step! Woo! Had a good time...Kari and I need to have some to drink before we actually try to dance. Haha.

1:11am: Called Pete (sorry, but I didn't wake you up.)

1:15am: Called Jesse (wide awake as always...very dependable. I love talking to Jesse. Just like old times. We don't get to talk as often as we used to. )

1:31am: Called Pete again. (What? I wanted to let him know I was home safe. Besides, he didn't wake up this time either.)

2:00am: BED!!

7:15am: Wide awake...stupid body clock.

8:00am: Take dad to bank, then to get his motorcycle

9:00am: Back in bed...hoping to get lucky and fall asleep

10ish am: Woo! Sleeping like a baby

11:24am: Look at clock...go back to sleep

12:12pm: Up and ready to start the day.

(Disclaimer: There were a few more drinks ordered between the time of arrive and the time of departure then are listed.)


I am assuming you had a good time. Thats cool. I understand about odd wake up times. However, I find it difficult to fall back asleep. Do do do do do, I'll talk to you later. 8/6/2005 3:11 PM Iheartmyacl

Ooooklahoma where the wind comes sweeping down the planes. 8/7/2005 10:17 PM Danyel

Tuesday, 09 August 2005

Currently Reading
Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers
By Mary Roach

Men do have trouble hearing women, scientists find

Sat Aug 6, 7:29 PM ET
Men who are accused of never listening by women now have an excuse -- women's voices are more difficult for men to listen to than other men's, a report said.

The Daily Mail, quoting findings published in the specialist magazine

NeuroImage, said researchers at Sheffield university in northern England discovered startling differences in the way the brain responds to male and female sounds.

Men deciphered female voices using the auditory part of the brain that processes music, while male voices engaged a simpler mechanism, it said.

The Mail quoted researcher Michael Hunter as saying, "The female voice is actually more complex than the male voice, due to differences in the size and shape of the vocal cords and larynx between men and women, and also due to women having greater natural 'melody' in their voices.

"This causes a more complex range of sound frequencies than in a male voice."

The findings may help explain why people suffering hallucinations usually hear male voices, the report added, as the brain may find it much harder to conjure up a false female voice accurately than a false male voice.


weird 8/9/2005 11:56 PM Danyel

Monday, 22 August 2005

Day One of classes. Hmm, so far so good. I only have one class on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday; therefore, it's not going to be strenuous work or anything. Besides, it's a freshmen level course. How hard could it be? I am quite thrilled that there is no paper involved. I absolutely despise writing papers. I find them pointless and most of the time they're just busy work. Blah! So luckily, no paper to worry about in that class. Overall, this class will be cake.
Tomorrow is Speech day! *boo! hiss!* I've put it off long enough. I need to graduate and I can't do that without Speech. It's the only class that I'm dreading this semester. I'm hoping that since this is an 8wks night class (16 total class days), it will be void of most people and the unfortunate ones who do show up will be older. By and large, they are more excited about learning and actually being there...making the speech part easier. (Which is my main goal. Easy.)

Other than these two, I'm also taking an online class and a 2nd 8wks night class. Both should be entertaining and cake as well.

I hope everyone else had a great first day and that tomorrow will be just as stimulating.

Later Days, Jo

Sunday, 28 August 2005

You think I'm always makin'
Something out of nothin'
you're sayin' everything's okay
You've always got an answer
Before I ask the question
Whatever you say

Now we can change the subject
Pretend I never brought it up
Same old story anyway
Later we can work it out
Right now you're talked out
Yeah, whatever you say

Oh I know you can hear me
But I'm not sure you're listening
I hear what you're sayin'
But there's something missin'
Whether I go whether I stay
Right now depends on
Whatever you say

You say yes you need me
And no you wouldn't leave me
And that should be enough to make me stay
And even though I want to
I don't hear I love you
In whatever you say

Oh whether I go whether I stay
Right now depends on
Whatever you say
Whatever you say
Whatever you say

Monday, 29 August 2005

Currently Listening
Rise and Shine
By Randy Travis
Pray For The Fish

So everyone knows how much I love Nawlins and/or New Orleans, right!! It is terribly sad to watch the news coverage of Katrina. I'm very thankful that it managed to turn back east a bit. My brother called us yesterday as he was leaving New Orleans to head to Florida, which to us makes no sense at all...but hey, at least he's not at home. Heard from everyone else as well (lots of family between Baton Rouge and New Orleans). Most were heading to Baton Rouge to wait her out...praying that they would have something to come home to. So if you have a second, please pray for them too and for all the people in that area...especially Golfport, Mississippi and Mobile, Alabama.

Later Days, Jo

Wednesday, 31 August 2005

Watching the coverage of the damage in the Gulf is...heartbreaking. My brother lost everything. His friends lost everything. Talked to him today though. He said he is doing okay given the circumstances; which is understandable. All those people stranded on the highway with no way to get out and no food or water. The sorrow I have for these people and those who managed to get out before it hit is unspeakable. This is different then the tsunami. It directly affects us. It directly affects my family. So much history and memories there. I love New Orleans. It's like a second home.

Yesterday I watched an interview with this man, from Mississippi, who had to choose between saving his wife or saving his children. Their house split in half while they were sitting on the roof, so he grabbed his kids. The last thing his wife said to him was "take care of the kids." Can you imagine? Having to make a decision like that.

So please everyone...pray for these people. Pray that they will get out safely and that they will be able to stop the water that is flooding New Orleans. Pray that the rescue units will find those trapped on roofs and under debrie. If possible, consider making donations. These people will need as much help as possible. They have lost everything.

God Bless, Jo


We have donation boxes for the red cross/hurricane katrina relief fund, so all wishing to make donations can go to the central mall customer service booth and donate there. and rest assured that all money collected WILL go to katrina, and not anywhere else. that's according to jones, lang, lasalle, the company that owns the mall. i do pray for all in katrina's way. i, too, have family in louisiana. la place, to be exact. i dunno how they are doing, i only have email for them and i don't want to worry my gramma harris by asking her...i pray for your family as well. hope to see you around. ~tlb~ 9/1/2005 1:01 PM prettiefulkittie

Hey. How are you friend? You know you don't have to ask for me to pray for you and all the other peoples. You are always in my heart. Hope you enjoy your labor day. 9/1/2005 11:13 PM Iheartmyacl

Tuesday, 06 September 2005

Currently Listening
Move Along
By All American Rejects
Dirty Little Secret

So I made it home yesterday afternoon. The flights went quite smoothly and the time seemed to go by quickly. Kari met me at baggage claim then we went to Marlow for a fish fry at Chad's parents' house. While everyone else was outside, Kari and I watched My super sweet 16 on MTV. We had a good time overall. The fish lacked some serious flavor, but with plenty of tartar sauce...all was good.

My trip went well. Sometimes he seemed to purposefully want to piss me off. Just some of the things he would say or how he would say them, you know . There are just certain things that you don't tell your s.o. in front of your friends at the local "bar"; especially when you know that it's not going to go over well. Then play it off like it's nothing Or use that always faithful line..."you'll get over own word here)." And it's not like he was intoxicated, so he doesn't have a reason. Being an ass doesn't count. Anyway, I could go on and on and on with that subject but let's not. So we did go to bed irritated with each other more than I would have cared to, but it happens. We went to see the Lancaster Barnstormers (have no idea what that is and neither do they...quite sad) play. That's the minor league baseball team there. The team was good and I had a great time. #2 Travis "something" played second base...I enjoyed his music. His friends Mike and Andrew went too, along with their significant others. I didn't get to talk to Monica (Andrew's girlfriend), so I have no opinion of her but Val (Mike's girl) was fun. And yes ladies...I got pictures. We also saw the college football team play...yeah. Not good. I don't care what they say...EHS, LHS, or MHS could easily beat them, but whatever. Mostly we just hung out at the apartment; which was okay with me. Overall, I had a great time. We did get to talk about an issue that we've both been having and I'm happy with that. Except for that other situation, which apparently I have nothing to do with...all is good. I miss him already, but I'll see him in November.

Later Days, Jo

Wednesday, 14 September 2005

"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more." ~Erica Jonq

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket--safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." ~C.S. Lewis

Sunday, 25 September 2005

"Loving all of it even while he had to hate some of it because he knows now that you don't love because: you love despite; not for the virtues, but despite the faults." ~William Faulkner


I am not sure if this background is depressing or hopefully. Could be either way... really- if you sit and stare for a very long time. However, I'm not sure it's happy in this case. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. 9/25/2005 4:47 PM Danyel

I'm confused as well. And the quote gave me a headache. Anywyas, I love you. 9/25/2005 6:36 PM Iheartmyacl

I think it's a beautiful picture. It is serene, simple, and sad. Even though it's dead, it still inspires life. Or something. ;o) And yes it does fit my mood a bit, but nothing to worry about. You two should know that by now. And Jennifer... the quote took me a bit too but once you get it, it's great. 9/25/2005 6:43 PM wonderfullyverbal

Monday, 26 September 2005

Currently Listening
"Creedence Clearwater Revival - Chronicle, Vol. 1: The 20 Greatest Hits"
By Creedence Clearwater Revival
Down on the Corner

Today is good. I'm in a good mood and everything is good. I stopped in to see Laci while I waited for Tiffani to get out of class and she gave me this...

Emotional and sympathetic, Pisces can be suprised, even shocked, by the ups and downs of romantic relationships; they seem to follow the theory that love is blind. Pisces tend to be sexually wild and passionate, but they must use caution as a result of their deep emotions and extreme sensitivity. (Hmm...)

Aries is aggressive and charming and needs to feel appreciated by his or her mate. Aries is an enthusiastic and sexually experimental lover, but will face challenges when trying to manage both career and love. (You don't say...)

Pisces can reach the heights of ecstasy with the sexually dynamic and stimulating Aries. Still, compromise will be needed: Aries may need to tone down his or her fiery personality and exercise sensitivity and consideration, while Pisces must keep oversensitivity in check so as not to dampen Aries' spirit. Still, personal adjustments in this relationship are likely to be very rewarding, as Aries grows more sensitive and Pisces develops a greater lust for life!

I find it quite amusing. (As I'm sure others would as well.) She looked up Tiffani and herself also. That was good times. Being a girl has its ups. We did get to catch up a bit, but we're getting together later this week to do it right. Anyone heard from Kari? Hmm...

Tonight is the season finale of Beautiful People, which I enjoy so I'm a bit anixous to see it; however Denver is playing Kansas City on MNF. (Which I'm not so anixous to see. We are going to get slaughtered! ) We'll see, I guess.

Later Days, Jo

Saturday, 01 October 2005

Okay, so I went to see this movie because my boyfriend is a huge fan of the series. Like hard-core, guys. Nevertheless, I really loved the movie! Lots of quick humor, fighting, love...good stuff. I would (and I hate to say it) recommend this movie to everyone. Don't worry, it's not like most Sci-Fi movies; actually, you probably couldn't tell that it is one. So if you're looking for a good action/adventure movie, this would be it!!

Thursday, 13 October 2005

WoO HoO! SPEECH IS DONE!!! I made a 90 on my last speech. That means that I made an A in the class! *does happy dance*

Yay me!



Awesome... Congrats on the A. I start my eight week class nest week: Victimology with Vicker. Do you know anyting about him? 10/14/2005 9:20 AM princesakenzie

Saturday, 15 October 2005

Last night sucked. Oh my goodness. You would not believe the guys here. It is craziness. Of course, it didn't help that I was not really in the mood to go out. However, being that I am such a great friend...I went anyway. I had planned a nice night at home. I even rented a few time I'm staying in.

Not only did I not really want to go out last night, after talking to Pete...umm, yeah. I messed up bad, ladies. I feel awful about everything from start to finish. I can't figure out what happened.100% my fault and I understand how he feels. I really f@*$ed up all around. We'll see what happens.

Anyway, going to see Elizabethtown with Amy this afternoon. I'm quite excited. I hope it doesn't disappoint. (I've had enough of that this week.) It would make for a very long 2 hours. But I'm not too worried about that, it looks like it will be good.

I must get this smoke smell out of my hair.

Later Days, Jo

Thursday, 20 October 2005

"Yes I love him. I love him more than anything else in this world and there is nothing that I would like better than to hold on to him forever. But I know it's not for the best. So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let him go so he can know just how much I love him. Maybe if I'm lucky, he'll come back. ~Anonymous

Friday, 21 October 2005

"The worst thing about getting your heart broken is going to sleep and knowing you're going to wake up and nothing has changed." ~Anonymous


Are you ok?!! 10/21/2005 9:28 PM Danyel

When I wake up I like to make myself a glass of chocolate milk. With Hershey Syrup. That makes my mornings better. Ihope you are doing ok. And if you need manpower to change something, give me a call. I can try. And my mom is still around to help, 10/22/2005 8:05 PM Iheartmyacl

Monday, 07 November 2005

A New Day and I'm Gonna Be Okay

Okay, last night was hard. Very hard. Harder than I had prepared myself for. I didn't fall asleep until about midnight, but that's okay. I woke up at 3:20am...which is also okay. Around 6:30am, I knew. I knew I was going to get through today, so I fell asleep. Then I was happy when Laci texted me at 8:00am with a lunch invite.

She's the one person I know understands where I'm coming from and what it's like. We went to lunch and talked. She listened to my reasons and my feelings no matter how off the wall they seemed, she understood. She told me what her opinion was of the situation and she reassured me that I was doing the right thing. That's all I needed. After that, I felt like a huge weight was gone. I know I'm not in this alone and I've felt that way for so long. Like no one understood. But she'll be there for me. And she's right, I can only control me and my feelings and I can't change his. For some reason hearing it from her was all I needed. Someone understands and I'm not alone. You wouldn't believe what a difference it makes. She is a true blessing. I thank God for friends like her everyday.

We've decided that we're going to keep each other busy, so we're going to start working out three times a week together and we have a Girls' Night Out scheduled for Friday. And I work Tues-Friday this week, which is nice.

I'm good today. Really good.

Later Days, Jo


I'm so glad to read this post. It's very reassuring. I know how that feeling is of realizing you're NOT alone. Laci is a very inciteful girl, she has a gift that's for sure. Have fun with your girls night out. 11/7/2005 7:16 PM Danyel

Wednesday, 09 November 2005

Thought I would share it from a friend. It's sweet. I love you too!!

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
Who calls you back when you hang up on him,
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead,
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats,
Who holds your hand in front of his friends,
Who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her!"

Anyway, I just thought that was sweet so I wanted to share. I don't have to get up early tomorrow, which is nice. I don't work until 2...woo!! Extra sleep is good.

Later Days, Jo

Sunday, 13 November 2005

I remember...I think

Okay, so this weekend was good fun. Let's do a recap...

Okay, let's see...I had class at 9:00, which was quite boring as usual. I went straight to work afterward. I worked until 2 then I had to go to Walmart, which I loathe. That place is crazy. I made it home by 3:30; in which I preceded to scan pictures to send to Danyel for the slide show. After that I got ready for Girls' Night, which was good fun. It was just Kari, Laci, and I so we had a great time. While I was there I ran into Steve!! It was very exciting, since I didn't think I would see him before he left. We ended up hanging out until a little after 5am, which probably wasn't very smart since I had to work at 10 on Saturday and he had to be up to get ready to fly out. But what can I happens. Before I left, we made sure we had exchanged all the info needed to stay in contact while he's overseas. So yeah...I left his place a little at 5am and I was in bed right at 6am.

I woke up at 8am, so I could get ready for work. I needed to shower because I smelled like cigarette smoke and whatnot from the night before. So running on a whole two hours of sleep, I headed off to work. Woo! I was scheduled to work from 10-3, but at 11 we had a huge power surge throughout the whole center and it knocked out the electricity and blew the fuses. Sooo...I got to leave. However, I didn't get to go home. Instead I headed over to Danyel's place to work on the slide show for the Alpha Phi 80's semi-formal that I agreed to do. I was there for a hour then I went to meet the folks for lunch. After that, dad and I went to the mall so I could get something to wear to the going away party I also had that night. We made it home by 3:30. Kept myself busy and awake until I 5:00 when I started getting ready. I met Laci at 7:00 for the semi-formal. All the girls looked great. Very 80's. And the decorations looked nice too. I took some pictures...I don't really think they came out well, but I figured I'd throw them up here anyway. So...

Jennifer, me and Danyel...don't they look cute!!

Okay, you can't go w/o a picture of yourself!! You can't really see the details of the pants, but the outfit looked better than it does in this pic.

Oh, yes...I'm sporting the glasses. 2 hours of sleep aren't good for contacts. Me and Laci...aren't we cute!! I think we made a great "couple"...haha.

Me and Kenzie!! She looks great!! Welcome back 80's!!

So, these were some of the pictures. I love you ladies...

Laci and I had to leave the dance at 8:30 because we had a going away/deployment party to go to. It was moved to Scooters, so yes...another night there. With only 2 hours of sleep, I think I did well. Lots to drunk as well. Some cowboy told me that I was beautiful and the glasses were hot. They made me look like a secretary, which was sexy. I think he was drunk...haa. I stayed until 1:30am and came home. I was in bed by 5am.

I woke up this morning at noon, so I missed church. But I think it will be okay. I had a great time this weekend. Good fun!!


you looked great- thanks so much for coming 11/13/2005 10:46 PM Danyel

You looked amazing, Jonique. I was really excited to see you there... You looked very " I'm so hott and I know it Corporate." So, um yeah, night class rocks... And our facebook group rocks! 11/15/2005 12:48 AM princesakenzie

Friday, 18 November 2005

Are you serious!? @$%!

Haha, okay so yeah. This day is awesome. I'm very irritated. First I had my history of psychology test today that I never managed to study for yesterday. It was a bad day. I was spending too much time trying to stay focused. However, I know I did fairly well and it doesn't really matter because we get to drop the lowest test grade and since I've made A's on all the others...not worried.

BUT, I went to talk to my advisor today to make sure everything was good for me to graduate in December, right.... Well, apparently it was counted up wrong, so I'm now 3...3 credits short of graduating. 3!!! One class. I'm quite bitter. The registrar's office is going to double check and make sure we didn't miss anything and will let me know in a couple of days. And you know what's's not even a required class. It's a elective!! Some stupid skate class that doesn't count. Pissed off!! *big smile*

Dr. D said that I could do an independent study with her and make my own hours if I wanted to and there is a first 8wks night class that would be easy.

I need a drink!

Friday, 25 November 2005

What's Thanksgiving without Football?!!!

I hope everyone had a great thanksgiving. I sure did. The game was awesome...went into overtime and everything. Plus the halftime show was great and they had that guy who sings "Hicktown" perform at the beginning, so it was great. I thought I would put some pictures up, but most will be on FACEBOOK, so if you want to see them all you'll have to go there.

This is when we first found our seats. Dad, Chris (brother), and Diana(his fiancee). Woo!! Go Denver!!

The girls!! Go us!! Diana again, then Amber, my little sister, and me. Sporting the colors!!

Our linemen!! Everyone is still warming up. I think I took a great picture. They were right there!!

Can't remember exactly which play this was, but who cares!! I think we had good seats...

My poor brother. Dad and him were so angry with the way Denver was playing. This was when the game was going into overtime.

So anyway, we had a great time at the game. Thanksgiving dinner was at Whataburger just outside of Irving and the trip home was quick. Can't wait to do it again!!

Remember: if you want to see the rest, you'll have to check out my photo album on facebook.

Later Days, Jo


The pictures turned out wonderful. I'm glad you had fun. Glad you're back safely. 11/25/2005 7:53 PM becauseofyou72

Yeah- we look a lot alike. Even our hair/noses. lol We got my Mom's nose. Isn't that great? :) I love my brother so much. Did you notice he's almost as tall as I am and he's 14. Geez = I'm short. 11/25/2005 7:54 PM becauseofyou72

Great pictures.

JOn out. 11/25/2005 9:52 PM Humbledhead

Sunday, 27 November 2005

I had a great time at Amy's birthday dinner. It was fun. I've never been to a hibuchi (yeah, no idea how to spell that) grill, plus I got to see Laura. She was my date, since my previous one bailed and we had great fun. After dinner we met Laci out at Scooters. It was pretty dead there, but we still managed to have a good time. Today I just worked. It was quite busy, so that was nice. It made the time go by fast. It was great!!

So yeah...

Amy, her dad, me and Laura...we are supercute!!

This is just another picture from the game on Thanksgiving. It's a great picture so I thought I would put it up.

Later Days, Jo


It's great to hear you had a good time. 11/27/2005 11:31 PM becauseofyou72

I love you. 11/29/2005 12:26 PM becauseofyou72

Friday, 09 December 2005

Okay, Danyel...I did it!

Leave your name and

1. I'll respond with something random about you.

2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.

3. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.

4. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.

5. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.

6. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.

7. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST


Ahh! DANYEL :) 12/9/2005 8:46 PM becauseofyou72

tori. (: 12/10/2005 12:12 PM prettiefulkittie

Hey old friend. How have you been. I never get on the computer anymore, its weird. Especially since now, the timer has been taken off. Weird I know. 12/11/2005 1:21 PM Iheartmyacl

Saturday, 17 December 2005

Well, finals are officially over now. Being an underachiever, I managed to make 3 A's and 1 B. Not bad. *shrugs* The finals themselves weren't bad, so that was nice.

Currently, I'm trying to finish up this week at work. Closed on Thursday, Friday, and tonight. I also close tomorrow; as well as open. (12-6) However, I'm off Monday-Wednesday, so that's good. I can't wait. I'm just going to rent some movies and hangout at home. It will be great.


Have fun hangin' out 12/18/2005 8:53 AM becauseofyou72

Sunday, 01 January 2006

New Year...New Entries

Happy New Year to everyone!!

Well I've decided that since it's a new year, I'm going to leave everything from last year behind; therefore, I deleted my entries...leaving only the ones that were a big milestone in the year. I also made my private ones...PUBLIC! So if you have the time...revisit 2005. I recommend you using the calendar and start with the oldest entry and work your way forward. There are not that many, so it shouldn't take you too long. Besides it's a fun walk down memory lane.

*Sidenote: What's in the past, stays in the past.*

I was just talking to Danyel about changing throughout the year...and yes I think I've changed. I've grown. Became president, dated a jerk, resigned as president, went alum, met a fake british guy, meet Pete, fell in love, had my heart broken, and am one class from graduating. Hmm, yup. It's amazing how much happens within a year. Would you say that you've grown?

Later Days, Jo


Happy New Year! What are your Resolutions of 2006 1/1/2006 7:42 PM becauseofyou72

Same as with no regrets!! Oh, and maybe do something about my thighs. ;o) 1/1/2006 8:06 PM wonderfullyverbal

Haha! So that's why you needed to know how to spell thigh! I love you! You made me smile just now. And I guess I've grown- just not sure how yet. Though, since you and I had that talk I've been pondering it. 1/2/2006 12:27 AM becauseofyou72

Tuesday, 03 January 2006

Leaving on a jet plane....

Okay, I'm leaving tomorrow for New York!! I'm very excited...there is going to be snow!! Yes, I said snow. It's going to be so much fun. Hopefully the flights will go as scheduled. Well, that's my update for now. I have to be up at 5! Yuck.

Everyone have a great week and entertain yourselves with last year's entries.

Later Days, Jo


Thursday, 05 January 2006

There's snow!!

Okay, so there is snow. I'm excited. Haha. Going to Canada on Friday.

So yeah...that's all for now.

Later Days, Jo


Snow? What's that... 1/5/2006 11:28 AM becauseofyou72

Ha ha, I know...I was a bit frightened myself. ;o) 1/5/2006 5:32 PM wonderfullyverbal

Saturday, 07 January 2006

Walking along beneath the lights of that miracle mile
Me and Mary making our way into the night
You can hear the cries from the carnival rides
The pin-ball bells and the ski-ball slides
Watching the summer sun fall out of sight
There's a warm wind coming in from off of the ocean
Making its way past the hotel walls to fill the street
Mary is holding both of her shoes in her hand
Said she likes to feel the sand beneath her feet

And in the morning I'm leaving, making my way back to Cleveland
So tonight I hope that I will do just fine
And I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine

There's a local band playing at the seaside pavilion
And I got just enough cash to get us in
And as we're dancin Mary's wrapping her arms around me
And I can feel the sting of summer on my skin
In the midst of the music I tell her I love her
We both laugh cause we know it isn't true
Ah but Mary there's a summer drawing to an end tonight
And there's so much that I long to do to you

But in the morning I'm leaving, making my way back to Cleveland
So tonight I hope that I will do just fine
And I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine

And in the morning I'm leaving, making my way back to Cleveland
So tonight I hope that I will do just fine
And I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine
Mary I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine

Sunday, 08 January 2006

Almost nothing shakes me.
I'll admit tonight i'm scared, scared to death.
All this talk of leavin',
Walkin' away from love we've shared takes my breath.
I could find the strength within myself.

But i don't wanna be that strong.
I don't wanna know that feeling,
Of barely hangin on while my broken heart is healing.
I know the hands of time would hold me until all the hurt is gone.
I could make it on my own,
But i don't wanna be that strong.

I could hold my head up.
I could keep the tears inside for a while.
Fill the anxious days.
Somehow face the lonely nights for a while.
When I need to I could even force a smile.

But i don't wanna be that srong.
I don't wanna know that feeling,
Of barely hanging on while my broken heart is healing.
I know the hands of time would hold me until all my hurt is gone.
I could make it on my own,
But I don't wanna be that strong.


I LOVE YOU 1/9/2006 5:30 AM becauseofyou72

Monday, 09 January 2006

And I have returned...

And I'm back... .

I had a wonderful time in NY. There was snow, which was quite exciting!! It would snow at night, so the crazy neighbor would be out shoveling the sidewalk in the early morning hours. Kind of an interesting noise to wake up too, but not one I would have missed. We didn't really do much of anything, just hung around the house watching movies, reading, and him playing his game. We rented Must Love Dogs and The Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe?? or Galaxy??? I can't remember. Anyway, I really enjoyed Must Love Dogs and the other one was okay. Didn't hold my attention well. On Friday we went to Kingston, Canada!! Oh yes, I was very excited about that. I got my snowglobe, which isn't very cute...but that's not the point. We ate at this place called Atomica (I think that was the name). They served Italian food and they had gelato!! Not as good as in New Orleans, but a close second. It was quite tasty. Kingston is a nice place and I would love to go back in the summer and I'm sure that the fall is beautiful there. I'm so glad we were able to go.

Needless to say, I wasn't looking forward to coming home. I would have stayed in NY if I could of. The trip home was long and exhausting, so I was estatic when I made it to my bed last night. I'm not really in the mood to work tonight, but it must be done. I need to pay for that trip...haha.

Later Days, Jo


Its good to hear you made it back in one peice. Hope you catch up on rest!!! 1/9/2006 2:45 PM becauseofyou72

Wednesday, 11 January 2006

Nothing too exciting going on....had my hair cut and colored yesterday...went to class last night...and missing someone terribly. Trying to keep myself busy as to not think so much...not working so well. Overall though, I'm in quite a good mood. Haha. And I love cookies.

Later Days, Jo

Thursday, 12 January 2006

Currently Reading
The Time Traveler's Wife
By Audrey Niffenegger

Another wonderful Thursday...I like Thursdays. CSI comes on, I can pick up my paycheck (every other week), and this particular Thursday is the last day I work until Saturday, ha ha, in which I will open. Then off on Sunday and work Monday through Friday next week with the weekend off. Oh yeah, I'm staying busy. Woo hoo!

Like most Tuesdays and Thursdays now, I work 12-5 then head off to class at 6:30. I think I would enjoy this class if not for the 6-8 page paper he is requiring. I'm sure I mentioned this last semester, but just for the record...I loathe papers. They are mostly just busy work, which I despise. Blah!

Later Days, Jo


Glad to hear you are having a good week! Hope to see you at church on Sunday! 1/13/2006 11:32 AM sweetthang5853

Sunday, 15 January 2006

Currently Reading
The Time Traveler's Wife (Harvest Book)
By Audrey Niffenegger

Weekends...always a good time.

I'm exhausted!! I've managed to not get very much sleep this weekend, but I've had a good time. Went to dinner, a movie, and Gerts with Laci on Friday...that was fun. Opened the store on Saturday...that wasn't. Then last night Laci and I went to the mall and ended up running into Taco and Corey. Since we were all starving, we grabbed dinner at Garfields. Soup and salad...always tasty. Headed home after that.


And Pittsburgh beat Indy today, so that means that they have to play Denver next weekend at Mile High!! Giving the Broncos home field advantage...I think they can will. If they do...going to the SUPER BOWL!! *crosses fingers*

I went to the mall again today with Laura this time then to ABC so we could sit and talk. I had lots to tell her. It was a good day.

Later Days, Jo


My goodness you're a busy girl. 1/16/2006 6:24 PM becauseofyou72

Monday, 16 January 2006

Thank God I'm impossibly busy this week.


What kind of a post. :) Gee 1/16/2006 11:40 PM becauseofyou72

I'm sorry, I have a lot on my mind and that pretty much says it all. 1/17/2006 9:13 AM wonderfullyverbal

I'll forgive you...THIS time. 1/17/2006 11:01 AM becauseofyou72

Thursday, 19 January 2006

Currently Listening
The Anatomy of the Tongue in Cheek
By Relient K
Pressing On

Okay,'s a REAL entry for you. Well, sort of.

It's amazing how working everyday does not make the week go any faster. You would think it would, but no. In all actuality, I think it makes it go by slower. Bah! Only two days left...then I'll have the WHOLE weekend off!! I'm very excited about this little bit of info.

My class is going well. Mr. Ford keeps things interesting. Oddly though, I have trouble staying focused in that class...I wonder why?

Anyway, that's all the news for now. I'm off to get ready for my day. I work 12-5, then I have a date with Laci for dinner..followed by class at 6:30. Hopefully, today will go quickly.

Later Days, Jo

Friday, 20 January 2006

Finally Friday!!

Woo! It's finally Friday. I'm very excited about this. After tonight I'm off work until Monday, which calls for a girls' night!! Yup, the ladies and I will be livin' it up at Scooters this evening. We haven't been there in months, so this should be a good time. Our plan is to dance the stress away, which I think we can do...with a little help from an alcoholic beverage or two.

However, I fear that my anticipation of tonight's events might make the hours at work go by rather slowly. If this does indeed happen...well, let's just hope it doesn't.

Have a great, safe weekend everyone!!



hurray for my special entries hehehehehehehehehehhehhe work will be fine! 1/20/2006 12:21 PM becauseofyou72

Saturday, 21 January 2006

Ah, Saturday

So it's Saturday... I don't work today, therefore, I'm going to do absolutely nothing. Well, I might wash my car and my clothes. Maybe. Hmm...

Work was spatter with computer problems all night making the time go by faster; however, it was much more stressful.

Luckily, there was girls' night. There ended up being 8 of us total and as everyone knows...the more the merrier. We danced and danced and danced. It was nice to have everyone together including the ladies that have been MIA. I must report that there is a whole new crop of military guys here now for anyone who might be looking and for the most part..they were well behaved. Needless to say, I had a fantastic time and so much fun. It was a good night.



How old were these guys? ;) 1/21/2006 12:31 PM becauseofyou72

Haha, well old enough to get into Scooters I presume. And I know who would be great for you...Jason!! He's cute, like a little Irishmen. He was very nice and we talked for quite awhile with no creepy feelings. He's from the west coast somewhere... He's here for Drill Sgt. School or something. If you're interested... ;o) 1/22/2006 11:13 AM wonderfullyverbal

Hmmm ;) It's a thought 1/22/2006 2:22 PM becauseofyou72

Hurray for comments! Thanks!! 1/23/2006 12:22 PM becauseofyou72

hey, i was just look on some peeps facebook and i seen you thought i would stop by and say hi 1/23/2006 5:03 PM Tod_alicious

Wednesday, 25 January 2006

Well, it's Wednesday. Finally!! It seemed to take forever to get here. I work at 4, which is the last place I care to be today. I have so much that I need to get done...most of which I haven't started. I did manage to get my clothes washed though. I close, so I won't be home until 10:00; therefore, I won't be in bed til 11:30/12:00. This normally wouldn't be a problem; however, Dad and I have to be up at 3am tomorrow!! UGH!!

Okay, so I'm done ranting now. Everything is good. Very good actually. A bit of nonsense from the parents, but that's usual. I took the pictures for the calendar yesterday. I think I've decided on the one I want...maybe. We'll see.

Later Days, Jo

Monday, 30 January 2006

Currently Listening
By Sara Evans
Feel It Comin' On

Okay, so it's been awhile.

I did manage to be in bed by 12 on Wed. and up by 3:10. Not bad.

Everything is going well as of now. Haven't been doing much and yes, I am out of town for a bit. I'll be home late, late, late Sunday night. Other than that...

Later Days, Jo


*shakes head* I don't like feeling left out of a secret... hehe 1/30/2006 5:05 PM becauseofyou72

Sorry...howabout I make it up to you. You'll be the first one I tell when I get back. Deal? 1/31/2006 10:06 AM wonderfullyverbal (message)

Thursday, 02 February 2006

I've got a secret!!

And you will want to know this...


That's a neato pic of you.
JOn out. 2/2/2006 5:46 PM Humbledhead

what is it 2/3/2006 9:19 AM becauseofyou72

Wednesday, 08 February 2006

I've returned...*tear*

Well, I'm home now. My flight landed last night at 5:15. Mom and I went to eat at Olive Garden, which was really nice. It was great to just get to talk with her plus I haven't eaten there in FOREVER!!

Right now I'm trying to catch up on laundry and get over this medicated feeling...kidney infection. Always nice. I think I work tonight which will be nice. I need the money.

Pete deployed this morning. He's on his way to Afghanistan where he'll be for a year. If everything goes as planned he'll be home in November for his two weeks. We'll see. I got a text message from him this morning before he left and that will probably be the last bit of communication for awhile. So everyone, please pray for him..for his safety.

I'll update more on my trip later. I promised Danyel I would tell her first. Haha. Hope everyone has a great day.

Later Days, Jo


:-o !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!MY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2/8/2006 11:12 PM becauseofyou72

Saturday, 11 February 2006

Just Another Day...

Pete has emailed me twice so far!! It's so nice to hear from him...haha...and he's only been gone 3 days. HAHA. Wow, this might be a long year.

Working is going well for the most part. I wish there were some way I could work in the afternoon instead of the evenings. I miss so much stuff that way. Oh, happens I guess.

Oh and about my trip... *deep breath*

I went back to Ft. Drum to see Pete. I flew out on the 26 and returned on the 7th. While there we got ENGAGED!! Yes, I did just write ENGAGED!! It was Wednesday February 1. We bought the ring and everything! It's just perfect and I absolutely love it!! It's a wedding set, which means it came with the engagement ring and the wedding band. I'll holding on to that until we actually get married. I dropped them both off on Monday to get sized; therefore, my ring finger is bare. I'm not a big fan of that. It feels so naked. However, I get to pick them up on the 17th. So don't ask to see it until then!!

Needless to say, I'm extremely happy and I'm pretty much glowing with excitement. Sorry to those of you who I haven't formally told yet. I'll be sending out an email soon. It's hard to feel ENGAGED!! without a ring.

Again please continue to keep Pete in your prayers...I need him to come home safely or there will be no point in being ENGAGED!!

Later Days, Jo

Tuesday, 14 February 2006

Currently Reading
How to Breathe Under Water : Stories
By Julie Orringer

Happy Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day Everyone!! Amazingly, this V-Day I have a SO; however, I will still be spending it alone. Haha. Luckily he has a very good excuse. Speaking of which, I finally talked to him. He had called on Sunday and I missed seconds!! again. Needless to say, I was quite upset. However, he called on Monday and I was actually sitting by my cell phone so we were able to talk for a bit. I love hearing his voice. It's very comforting. I've begun keeping my phone with me as not to miss his calls even though I told him he should start calling twice. That way if I missed it the first time I would definitely answer the next.

I took my make-up exam for Stress Management yesterday. I don't think I did very well...maybe a B. Unfortunately, I have severe senioritis. I'm not motivated at all, which is a horrible thing since I'm supposed to write a paper. This could be bad for my GPA. *shakes head* We'll see how it goes, I guess. The class ends on March 2, so I don't have much time to wait. Hmm.

Later Days, Jo

Thursday, 16 February 2006

Currently Listening
Time Well Wasted
By Brad Paisley
Easy Money


First a kidney infection now a cold. I am so sick right now. My nose is running and I have a fever. I'm going to blame it on Lindsey and Jennifer for coming to work sick and on my mom just for being sick at home. I'm sure it would have beeen fine if I hadn't had that pesky kidney infection first. Oh well...that's what sleep is for.

I did go pick up my rings today. They came back early and I had to go into town for my test in my night class, so I stopped to get them. I'm so happy to have them back. I was starting to struggle with out them...well at least the engagement one. Now everyone can see it. Woo!! I think I did alright on the test. With the extra credit, I pulled off an A...I think. Maybe. I still need to figure out what I'm going to do about that paper. I need to do well on it to make a decent grade in this class. Ugh!! Senioritis!!

Later Days, Jo

Tuesday, 21 February 2006

Another Day, Another Week

Hmm, well nothing has been happen lately. I'm still trying to get over this cold. I wish it would clear up soon. I hate having to breathe through my mouth. It drives me nuts.

I have a meeting on Thursday with the advisor of the MBA program. We're going to go through everything I need to be admitted and hopefully she'll explain a decent semester scheduling plan. That way I can stay on track and finish fairly quick.

I talked to Pete on Saturday and Sunday. That was nice. We don't get to talk long, but it's still nice to hear his voice on the other end. He's doing well and is bored out of his mind at the moment. Some things have come up, so he's not too happy about that. Everyone please continue to keep him in your prayers.

I'm off to work again today. My last official day of was Valentine's Day. I went home sick on Wednesday then called in on Thursday, so I don't really consider those days off. My next official day off is Thursday. I can't wait!! I'll have Thursday and Friday off. That is awesome. Of course, I have to open on that sucks, but I'm off on Sunday!! Haha.

Later Days, Jo

Monday, 27 February 2006

Currently Reading
Oliver Twist (Tor Classics)
By Charles Dickens


I've finished my last paper as an undergraduate student. I'm so excited. It's not an amazingly good paper by any means, but it's done and that's all I'm really looking for. I am very okay with a B in the class. Sure, am A would be awesome...but there is nothing wrong with a B. Haha.

I have class tomorrow night, then we're taking our final on Thursday. After that, I'm done with my Bachelors. Go me!! I'll start my Masters this summer, but until then I'm out of school. Do you understand how exciting that is? After 5 years, I'm finally done. Good grief....

Anyway, that's all that's been going on. Talked to Pete on Friday and a bit online today. I say "a bit" but it wasn't even that. I'm still happy with it though. A simple hi is always nice.

Hope all is well with everyone.

Later Days, Jo

Thursday, 02 March 2006


I did it!! I finally finished my bachelors!! I'm a college graduate!! Okay, I'm superexcited here. After 5 years, I'm done. Woo Hoo!

I start my masters this summer, so I have a bit to just do nothing. That's very exciting for me.

I did it. I did it. I did it. Woooo!!

Later Days, Jo.

Bachelors of Psychology
Cameron University '06


CONGRATS!!! that is so exciting! everything seems to be going well for you! that makes me happy. lately, things have been pretty rough, but ya's been getting better. but anyways. i'm super happy for you! 3/3/2006 10:19 AM prettiefulkittie

Wow! Congrats! I'm so happy for you! 3/5/2006 8:33 PM sweetthang5853

Thursday, 09 March 2006

Woo, I made an A. I'm so excited. Not only am I done with my degree...I made an A in my last class. Woo....

Anyway, not much else has been going on. Been working a lot, but I had today off which was awesome. I did nothing; well, almost nothing. I went to lunch with Laci, but other than that I've sat at home and done nothing. I'm very happy about that. I would like to do it again tomorrow, but I can't. I'll have to wait until Sunday.

I know...pretty boring entry. Haha.

Later Days, Jo

Sunday, 19 March 2006

Happy Birthday to Me!!

Oh, it's Sunday morning and the sun is shining
In my eye that is open, and my head is spinning.
Was the life of the party; I can't stop grinning,
I had too much tequila last night.

Jose Cuervo, you are a friend of mine.
I like to drink you with a little salt and lime,
Then I kiss all the cowboys, then I shoot out the lights,
Then I dance on the bar, then I start up a fight.

Now wait a minute, thing don't look too familiar,
And who is this cowboy asleepin' beside me?
Well, he's awful cute, but how'd I get his shirt on?
I had too much tequila last night.

Jose Cuervo, you are a friend of mine.
I like to drink you with a little salt and lime
Then I kiss all the cowboys, then I shoot out the lights,
Then I dance on the bar, then I start up a fight.

Oh, those little shooters, how I love to drink them down
C'mon, bartender, let's have another round
Well the music's playing and my spirits are high
Tomorrow might be painful, but tonight I'm gonna fly.

Jose Cuervo, you are a friend of mine.
I like to drink you with a little salt and lime
Every time we get together, we sure have a good time,
You're my friend, you're the best, mi ami-go

Jose Cuervo, you are a friend of mine.
I like to drink you with a little salt and lime
Then I kiss all the cowboys, then I shoot out the lights,
Then I dance on the bar, then I start up a fight.

Jose Cuervo, you are a friend of mine.

Great birthday celebration!! WOO!! Now since today is actually my birthday, I'll off to eat my birthday dinner and cookie cake. Man...I love cookie cakes.

Have a good later, Jo


have a good later? that's a new one...happy (just a little belated) birthday! 3/20/2006 9:29 AM prettiefulkittie

Have a great later!! 4/4/2006 3:18 PM becauseofyou72

Thursday, 06 April 2006

Well, I'm now in graduate school. I'm enrolled full-time for both the summer and fall. I'm a bit nervous about it, but excited too. It's so different from the stuff I've been studying for the past 4 1/2 years. Learning something new is always exciting. However, that math thing is very unsettling. Math is not my forte. Actually, I'm quite bad at it. Hopefully whatever it consists of can be taught and/or tutored. Lucky for me, I have many friends who kill at math. Thank the Lord for friends!

I went to my hair appointment yesterday. Had it colored and cut again. Mike wants to go short so badly. Haha. Maybe next time I'll let him. We'll see.

I'm a bit bitter that I have to open tomorrow and Saturday though. Laci wants to go out tomorrow, but there is no way I'm going to make it. I need my 9 hours of sleep. However, Saturday is a maybe....

Talked to Jesse today. We're trying to come up with a good day that I can go visit. It's been over a year! Last time I went up there was with Jennifer and Jessica...or was it with Megan? Anyway, it's been awhile. Since I'm working Monday-Saturday every week, it's hard to actually come up with something. It might come down to asking for a day off.

Pete's good. He seems to like it over there. Well as much as one can in his situation, I guess. Please keep him in your prayers.

Guess that's all the updating I'm going to do tonight.

Have a good later!

Saturday, 08 April 2006

My heart is hurting a little today.

Monday, 10 April 2006

Currently Listening
Country Is My Rock
By Trent Tomlinson
Drunker than Me

Where to start...

Well, this weekend was okay. Saturday night I went to see Lucky Number Slevin with Laura. It was great fun. Besides Failure to Launch, it's one of the best movies I've seen in awhile. Which really isn't saying much since I haven't been to the movies that often. Anyway, it's a very entertaining movie and I would definitely recommend seeing it as long as you like death and whatnot.

Sunday started out badly, however, Pete called so it was much better. It was a wonderful, very welcomed surprise. I enjoy his calls. Hearing his voice is always fun. It gives the illusion that everything is still the same and he's still in NY and not in danger...well, besides the everyday kind. Anyway, he made my day. The race was irritating, but Matt finished third. I guess that's better than nothing. Poor Biffle. He's had such bad luck lately. Maybe next week. *crosses fingers*

I'm currently dreading this week at work. My schedule sucks. I close on Monday, work at 9am on Tuesday, close on Wed., open on Thursday, then close on Friday. How is that supposed to help my sleep patterns?'s not. Blah! The only positive thing about it is working with Cheri. I love working with her. We have a set routine. Plus we're fun! Oh, well I guess there isn't much I can do about it. I need the money, so Hi Ho Hi Ho off to work I go.

Have a good later!


Aww! I love workin with you too Jonique! You are the best! Luv ya! 5/8/2006 12:49 AM RiLuVsMaCk1323

Thursday, 13 April 2006 body hurts.

Went to my first Step class tonight. Laura joined me and let me tell you...I worked muscles I didn't even know I had!! And I realized how weak I truly am. Tomorrow is going to be ridiculous. Ugh! Can't wait until I'll actually be able to walk out of the building. (Next goal.) But I did have a great time and eventually I'll have my well-defined thighs...and a lot of other things too.

They changed the hours at work. We're staying open later, which really sucks. I already don't like working the night shift and now I have to stay later.

That's all for now I guess. I have to close tomorrow night, which I haven't done in a little over a month. Kinda bitter about it, but what can you do?

Later Days, Jo

Friday, 21 April 2006

Today is a good day. Haha. Last night was my second step class...actually it's called Intervals, but whatever. The class last night was circular, so that was a lot of fun. My shoulders and arms are a bit sore today along with my tush. Tomorrow will probably be a bit worse. Ha! I hope I'll be able to go twice a week soon. It's ever Monday and Thursday, but I work on Monday nights. Anyway, the class is fun and I'm enjoying it.

After work today, I meet Kellie and the rest of the cinchouse ladies for dinner. It was nice to meet everyone and put faces with names. I had a great time and they were a lot of fun. We're going to do it again soon.

Tomorrow I have to open again. Yawn! Oh, well. I'll get off at 2. That makes it better.

Well, I think I'm going to start reading my Econ. book. I figured it would be a good idea to get started now since class starts on the 1st. The first quiz is on the 5th! and it covers 3 chapters. I even bought the "recommended" study guide, because I want to make sure I do well and understand everything, especially since I have no economics background. Wish me luck all!!

Have a good later! ~Jo

Monday, 24 April 2006

Today was awful. I spent the whole day thinking about whether or not I really am wrong. Maybe it's not worth all of this. It's so hard to be the only one who can see something or when you know something is right, but everyone else is saying otherwise. It's exhausting to always be the optimist and always try to show that part to everyone, instead of the part of you that just wants to give up. And the worst part of that is that there is no one to be optimistic for you. To tell you that everything will be fine. Especially the people that should.

I hate doubt. I hate the days when all you want to do is sit, cry and give up. Just walk away, because you won't be that missed. You're the only one who feels it anyway. But you know you can't, so you don't. You just keep going. Somewhere in your mind you know that everything will work out and tomorrow will be better. You have to show them that. Or maybe you're just fooling yourself. Maybe you're just blinded by the hope that something will change. That it will be different. Maybe you really are wrong.

I hate when Aunt Flow visits. She makes me so emotional. Always bringing on weird moods. Luckily, it won't last long. Tomorrow is a new day with lots of hope.

Sunday, 30 April 2006

The Wreckers: Stand Still, Look Pretty


You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair
You know you just keep me hanging round
You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't wanna see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown

And it's alright
Yeah, I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just, take your love and hit the road
Cause nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

Now you can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
You can get it over with and let me move on
Don't concern yourself with this mess you left for me
I can clean it up you see
Just as long as your gone

And it's alright
Yeah, I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just, take your love and hit the road
Cause nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

You're not making up your mind
It's killin' me
You're wasting time
I need so much more then that

And it's alright
Yeah, I'll be fine
Don't worry about this heart of mine
Just, take your love and hit the road
Cause nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go
Leave the pieces when you go
Leave the pieces when you go


Leave the pieces when you go


"Do you wanna run away together?"
I would say it was your best line ever
Too bad I fell for it
And I walked alone
Waiting for you to come along
Take my tortured heart by the hand
And write me off

Do you know I cry?
Do you know I die?
Do you know I cry?
And it's not the good kind

You forced me to become strong
When I just craved being weak
And you think you know
And I would like to think so
But do you know that when you go
I fall apart

Do you know I cry?
Do you know I die?
Do you know I cry?
And it's not the good kind

No, You're not the good kind

I'm tired of hiding behind these blind eyes
I'm tired of this smile that even I don't recognize

Do you know I cry?
Do you know I die?
Do you know I cry?
And it's not the good kind

Do you know I cry?
Do you know I die?
Do you know I cry?
And it's not the good kind

Do you know I cry?
Do you know I die?
Do you know I cry?
And it's not the good kind

No, you're not the good kind

Do you know I cry?

They just released "Leave the Pieces" recently and I heard it on the countdown today. It's like number 40 or something, but I absolutely love it. I went to their website and heard "The Good Kind" and am all over it. The cd will be released on May 23!! I can't wait.

Sunday, 30 April 2006

I'm not ready to give up....

You say your falling apart
Reached the end of the line
Just looking for your place in an ordinary life
No one calls you friend
No one even knows your name
You just want to feel loved instead of all the pain

You no longer have to say
No one’s listening anyway
Come here and cry on my shoulder
I’ll hold you ‘till it’s over
I’ll rescue you tonight
Let my arms be your shelter
Your hiding place forever
I’ll love you more than life

You’re wearing a frown
Given up on hope
My heart is reaching out
More than you will ever know
Is your burden too much?
Is it more than you can bear?
I’ll help carry the load if you’re willing to share

Come here and cry on my shoulder
I’ll hold you ‘till it’s over
I’ll rescue you tonight
Let my arms be your shelter
Your hiding place forever
I’ll love you more than life

You no longer have to say
No one’s listening anyway

You have had some hard times
Had thorns placed in your side
I know about what you’ve been going through
Tears of pain are falling down
It hurts so bad you’re crying out
You’re problems won’t last forever
Let me put you back together

Come here and cry on my shoulder
I’ll hold you ‘till it’s over
I’ll rescue you tonight
Let my arms be your shelter
Your hiding place forever
I’ll love you more than life

Come here and cry on my shoulder
I’ll hold you ‘till it’s over
I’ll rescue you tonight
Let my arms be your shelter
Your hiding place forever
I’ll love you more than life

I saw your sky fall down today
Suddenly turn from blue to gray
Till one by one the raindrops
Turned to tears upon your face
Wish there was something I could do
Wish I could ease the pain from you
But I've never felt so helpless
It's like you're drowning right in front of me
And I'm reaching out but you can't see
There's something holding on to you so tight
So I guess this is all I'll say to you tonight

If you ever need me
You know where to find me
I will be waiting where I've always been
If you ever need me
You know where to find me
I have never left you, I'm where I've always been
Right by your side
Right by your side

If the whole wide world is on your back
If the strength you need is the strength you lack
If you're in a crowd but all alone
If you can't stay here but you can't go home
If you can't answer all the why's
'Cause your to tired to reach that high
I want you to remember yeah, yeah

If you ever need me
You know where to find me
I will be waiting where I've always been
If you ever need me
You know where to find me
I have never left you, I'm where I've always been
Right by your side
Right by your side

If the whole wide world is on your back
If the strength you need is the strength you lack
If you're in a crowd but all alone
If you can't stay here but you can't go home
If you can't answer all the why's
'Cause you're to tired to reach that high
I want you to, I need you to remember

If you ever need me
You know where to find me
I will be waiting where I've always been
If you ever need me
You know where to find me
I have never left you, I'm where I've always been
Right by your side
Right by your side

If you ever need me
You know where to find me
I will be waiting where I've always been
If you ever need me
You know where to find me
I have never left you, I'm where I've always been
Right by your side
Right by your side
-Matthew West

Monday, 01 May 2006

Samantha: I have to ask you a question. It's a good one so think about it. If two people love each other, but they just can't seem to get it together, when do you get to that point of enough is enough?

Jerry: Never

From the film...The Mexican

Monday, 08 May 2006



Yes, I finally did it. I graduated on Saturday. I'm superexcited about it. MLK III was a good speaker. He made many very valid points. I enjoyed most of his speech....then there was the immigrant plug. Ugh! The parents took me to Olive Garden to eat, which was awesome. I'm still very excited about everything!

Church on Sunday was good. I cried most of the service, which is very unlike me. I don't like to cry and until recently I hardly ever did it. I've been going through some things lately that I don't know exactly how to handle, so I did ask for prayer from Mr. Wallace and it ended up being from like five different people. I had lots of prayer that day, which I'm very thankful for.

Nothing else has been happening. Thankfully, Pete called today. I didn't get to talk to him, but he did leave a message. That made me very happy and I figured out why people get married before their SOs gets deployed. You'll have to ask me about my theory on this. It's pretty good, I think. Definitely a winner.


Yay! I'm sooooo proud of you!!! Congrats! :) 5/11/2006 10:16 PM RiLuVsMaCk1323

Monday, 15 May 2006

"Love is unflinching, unwavering commitment to the welfare of someone else at one's own expense" Dr. Nathan Cothen

Thanks Evie.

Friday, 19 May 2006

Girls Night Out

Okay, so tonight we're going out. It's going to be good fun. The song I posted is the theme of the weekend actually. The plan is to go out every night this weekend. There is a lot of celebrating to get done.

We got a bucket of Corona,
Enough stories to last all night,
About the trials and tribulations,
Of findin' Mr. Right:
Of findin' a good man.

Here's to the liars and the cheaters and the cold mistreaters;
To the Momma's boys who can't make a stand.
Here's to the superficial players;
The "I love ya" too-soon-sayers;
If you hear me girls, raise your hand:
Let's have a toast:
Here's to findin' a good man.

Blind dates an' horror stories;
Pushy gals and fast movers.
Let's dedicate this girl's night out,
To big-talkers; bad losers,
It's so hard findin' a good man.

Here's to the liars and the cheaters and the cold mistreaters;
To the Momma's boys who can't make a stand.
Here's to the superficial players;
The "I love ya" too-soon-sayers;
If you hear me girls, raise your hand:
Let's have a toast:
Here's to findin' a good man.

Julie, I know you want perfection;
Angie, you want a listener.
Lisa, your list is gettin' long,
And girls, you know me:I just want a good kisser.

Here's to the liars and the cheaters and the cold mistreaters;
To the Momma's boys who can't make a stand.
Here's to the superficial players;
The "I love ya" too-soon-sayers;
If you hear me girls, raise your hand:
Let's have a toast;
Let's have a toast:
Here's to findin' a good man.

Here's to findin' a good man.
Here's to findin' a good man.

Monday, 29 May 2006

Memorial Day Weekend

Okay, so I went to Six Flags on Saturday. Besides the leaving late and running into a traffic jam...the trip down there was uneventful. We ended up parking in section/row 50. Do you know how impossibly far that is from the entrance? So far that a trolley is needed. Haha. However, we were feeling pumped so we walked it.

I love rollercoasters! They are absolutely the bestest thing ever! We rode Runaway Mountain (inside this building), The Texas Giant (wooden rollercoaster, slightly bumpy), The Titan (HUGE) and the Flashback (I think that's the name). We didn't make it to Mr. Freeze or Batman; but we did ride Superman: Tower of Power. I hate those rides. I was actually shaking when I got off. Haha. It happens. We rode quite a few little rides too...including the swings. Awesome.

After we left there, we got lost. It never fails. We always get lost down there. Luckily it only took about 20 minutes to find our way. Our hotel was okay. We took the very last room and unfortunately it was a smoking room. It reaked of smoke. Yuck. Needless to say, it was a very long night.

The next morning we were up at 8 and made it home in record time. Crazy. haha. Once I get our Mail Order Brides picture uploaded, I'll have it posted.

Later days, Jo

Sunday, 04 June 2006

Currently Listening
By Various Artists

This has to have been the worse week ever.

Tuesday, 06 June 2006

Good Days, Bad Days

So I know that there will be good days and bad days...and this, my friend, was one of those bad days.

I didn't think today would be so hard.

I can't wait until Friday. It will be nice to be completely distracted the whole weekend...especially Sunday. It's going to be so much fun! I need to go buy another swimsuit though. I think all of us are taking two or more. Haha. Isn't that right, Cheri.

Later Days, Jo

Monday, 12 June 2006

• Grand Lake Weekend

Just a few pictures from this weekend. These are all from Megan and Lauren's cameras...I'll have mine up soon.

me, Cheri, and Megan on the boat

just floating...

me, Lauren, and Megan seadooing...

me and the Bear from BrokenArrow

Monday, 12 June 2006

Currently Listening
There Goes My Life/No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem
By Kenny Chesney
No Shoes, No Shirt, No Problem

Okay, here's a few more pictures from this weekend. I must say I had a fantastic time!

Cheri and I on the boat dock.

Cheri, Lauren, Megan, Liana, and I on the porch about to start our day!!

Me and the Big Brown Bear from Broken Arrow

What a view! Who wouldn't want to wake up to this?!

The view was fantastic!

If you're going to have a lake house...

Cheri and I on the boat...varooom


Yay! We had a wonderful time!!! I love all the pictures! We actually don't look all crazy! lol! 6/14/2006 11:54 PM RiLuVsMaCk1323

Tuesday, 13 June 2006

• Air Show in Altus

Okay, so I know it's been awhile...but I said I would post pictures from the airshow. I finally have them done so here are a few. Enjoy!!

This is my favorite picture. We look good!

Dad took this picture while we were still talking...

He was so nice!

He is my favorite. (wink wink,nudge nudge) Kevin (Bird 1) would be my second.

He was so sweet!!

6 plane flyby...I think I did a good job with this shot. Maybe I should be a photographer and travel the world.

Now let's see you try that!!

They are actually moving into a diamond shape here...

Introductions...and yes, that is a female in the middle. I wasn't able to get my picture with her. Maybe next time.

This is Dad's favorite. He was all about the mustang.

Okay, so there you go. I hope everyone had a good time looking at them. haha.

Have a good later. Jo


Wow! Those pictures are way awesome, I thought you really WERE a photographer.
JOn out. 6/14/2006 12:35 AM Humbledhead

Wednesday, 14 June 2006

Mail Order Brides

I said I would put the picture of Laura and I from six flags up. I can't think of anyone who wouldn't order either of us...well, maybe one person.

Wednesday, 21 June 2006

Currently Listening
Stand Still, Look Pretty
By The Wreckers

It's that time again...


But I'm not going.

Monday, 26 June 2006

Currently Listening
By Various Artists
It Will All Work Out

Wow, what a weekend...

Here are some very important tips to always remember when going out...

1. Don't go see The Break-Up and spend the time remembering your ex.
2. Rock Old Navy flip flops...they get you free drinks.
3. Always finish a cherry bomb...even your friends if you must.
4. Hanging out with your guy friends can result in random phone pics that they will share with everyone you know.
5. It's okay to use nicknames when talking about people you don't really know, but be sure to get their real name if they get your number at the end of the night.
6. Don't kiss strange boys...even if it is their 21st birthday. (See number 4)

Last and most important....

7. Never under any circumstances let the drunk guy you promised to take home, out of your could result in them wandering off and passing out in someone's backyard to wake up the next morning very confused. And you very worried.

Monday, 26 June 2006

"Sometimes we put up walls- not to keep people out- but to see who cares enough to break them down."


Ah, how true that is. How have you been? I haven't seen you in a while. Congrats on your B! Oh yeah. I have a new xanga. I'll message you from there sometime. (:  6/28/2006 8:40 AM prettiefulkittie

Tuesday, 27 June 2006

Okay, so I made a B in my first graduate class....

I'm ecstatic!

Thursday, 29 June 2006

I went out with Buddy Holly last night. After dinner at Lonestar, we headed over to Gerts for a few drinks. It really gave us a chance to talk and just get to know each other a little bit more. His knowledge of music is quite impressive.

As for his job, he's in the air force...bomb tech or something. Disarms them and all that fun stuff. Of course, I didn't know the Air Force had such jobs, but you learn something new everyday.

He's leaving for Iraq on the 4th or 5th, so everyone keep him in your prayers. His mom and sister are in town tonight and tomorrow, but we're still hoping to get a chance to hang out before he deploys. This is his second time going over, the first he spent in Afghanistan, so he's a pro at it now. However, I'm sure he'll appreciate the prayers anyway.

Later Days, Jo

Saturday, 01 July 2006

Currently Listening
Buddy Holly - Greatest Hits
By Buddy Holly

Yawn! I am exhausted.

First of all, Laura and I went to see The Devil Wears Prada last night. It was cute. Not sure I would put it up there as a favorite...but it was good nonetheless. Buddy Holly called (apparently the family left early) to see if we wanted to have some social drinks at Gerts...and of course we went. It was so much fun. Tiffani, Jennifer, Kevin, Chris, Bruce, Lisa and Brad all showed up as well. I had a blast and never had to buy one drink. Buddy was dancing all over the place and all the friends loved him. He made a point to dance with Jennifer and Tiffani to make sure that they would like him. Haha. Long story short...I was out until the early morning hours. SO TIRED!

I voted against a nap and just stayed up all day. Taco called to invite me to go see The Omen with him. Long...boring...not good. I had to force myself to stay awake.

So here I am now...super tired and still need to study. Being fun is too much.

Buddy found out that they are actually leaving on Monday, so he's planning to call Sunday to hang out once more before he deploys. Remember to keep him in your prayers everyone....and his real name is actually Robert.

Tuesday, 11 July 2006

Okay, so let's see...

Okay, so Robert left last Tuesday...on the Fourth of July. I spent Monday with him in Oklahoma City. We went to eat at Olive Garden then meet us with his sister and headed to her favorite local bar. That was a good time.

He is different which makes him so much fun. Besides, any guy who is going to tell me that I'm not like every other girl is pretty cool in my book.

Now he's in Alabama for two more weeks. He even asked if I would come visit. Haha. Too funny.

On the Fourth of July, Laura and I went to the concert to see Dierks Bentley, Craig Morgan, and Jason Aldean. I was quite impressed. All three shows were fantabulous! I'm more partial to Craig Morgan though. He was great!

OH, and the best news ever...this guy that I used to hangout with out at Scooters and whatnot got back in touch with me through one of his friends who was doing drunk calls from his phone. I haven't talk to Alaska in over a year. If you read some of my beginning entries, I mention him. He is so sweet. When I went to the Reception with his friend, Bryce, Alaska was the one who walked out to the car with me and stood with me most of the time. I'm so excited that we get to talk to each other again.

So all is well.

Later days, Jo


Robert is buddy holly
JOn out. 7/11/2006 8:36 PM Humbledhead

Tuesday, 11 July 2006

You'll always hurt the people you love most. Why? Because they are the only ones who will truly forgive you for it.

“I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out.And tell you how I feel-like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart. And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you.But those words may forever stay in my heart-locked inside.Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know.”

Okay, so I haven't really told that many people...but Pete and I broke up on Memorial Day.

I'm angry. I'm hurt. And I still love him.

Yup, after everything I still love him.

You know, when we first starting talking I told him that I had a huge trust issue. I even wrote about it here...on xanga.

On July 11, 2005 I wrote:

I had this dream last night that was so real it freaked me out. I was talking to Pete on the phone and I was all sorts of emotional for some reason. I have yet to determine why. Apparently we were arguing or something. I was quite tired in my dream as well, so I guess that's my excuse. Next thing I know I'm telling him that I love him. At first he doesn't believe me, which I think that's why I was emotional. Hmm, not sure. Of course, in reality, I would be emotional because I was telling someone that. HA. Then Pete told me he loved me. Hmm, yeah. So then I woke up. All sorts of disorientated. The fear I had...hmm. First word that came to Run fast. But it was just a dream. Hmm.

Here are two excerpts from the July 25, 2005 entry:

I was thinking about us. Obviously, right! Thinking about you and what you were doing to me. How you were getting to me and how stupid I was to let you. I knew better. I did. I could have stopped it, but I didn't. I let you. I went with it...I wanted to. Without any thinking or worrying...I fell into it. And boy did I enjoy it. Haha. Then the thinking would come all at once and overwhelm me. That's usually when you noticed. You noticed I got quite and was staring out the window and listening to the music. Ah, the music. Music is does it for me. Calms me down. Takes me away to think. To rest. To just be there and do nothing. Long Distance. Long Distance. Long Distance. How stupid could I be?! It was there. Glaring me in the face and I ignored it. Stupid. *shakes head*

Reaching for someone who isn't there...I did that last night. Turned over and reached out for his arm. Then I realized he wasn't there and wasn't going to be there...This one act reveals everything and it petrifies me. What to do now? What to do? What to do?

Then on July 26, 2005 I decided I'd take a chance on him. I posted:

What do I want, you ask? I want whatevber is going to make you happy. I want what you want. And that will do.

I think one of my favorite entries is from July 29, 2005. I was so happy. Here are a few excerpts from that one:

Thought. Yup. Being doing some of that. Unfortunately only one things manages to occupy my mind. I was never supposed to be one of those girls. You know the ones. Being all about some boy. Thinking about him to the point of being illegal. I'm sure it's an invasion of privacy or something. However, there is a slight difference in the fact that I'm not sitting around pining for him. My thoughts wonder off to the other facets of the relationship. Relationship. Hmm, that's an interesting word isn't it? I don't use it often. Never any need. But apparently that's what I have now. A relationship. A relationship with a really great guy. I love the way he makes me feel. Smart. He makes me feel smart. Not because he isn't. He's intelligent. Witty too. Yet he never makes me feel ignorant, which is funny because I am on a lot of subjects. He always tells me I'm hot. Haha. Regrettably that word does nothing for me. So many guys throw it around that it's just another word to me. Like cool. The different implications of that word are almost infinite. So silly...But beautiful is a whole different story. I can't recall if he's actually used that word, but it doesn't matter. He makes me feel that way. Haha....Gosh, but there's some many other feelings too. Wonderful ones. Like that "just of the shelf of your favorite bookstore" feeling. All brand new. Completely different. Exciting with a beautiful new smell!...You know scent is the number one thing connected to memory. But if I had to use one word to describe it, all of it, I'd have to say...comfortable. I'm comfortable with him. 100%. Like when I went to see him. I was worried that it would be awkward, but it never was. Like it was something I did everyday. And I fit perfect in his arms. This relationship is like a nice, warm bubble bath. Or pumpkin pie fresh out of the oven with whipped cream. I'm giddy with excitment.

...However, not all the feelings and thoughts are rosey. I have those dark ones that bring low clouds. Is he serious? He lives in NY. You won't be living together for a few years. Is he serious? Why would he want to be with you? What is he thinking? Doubts. They just creep up there. I spend most of my time fighting the fear. I want to believe the fuzzy, warm ones. I want to think of it as my fairy tale story. My own happily ever after. So I do fight them. Mostly because I don't want to run away. I don't want to give up and hide from them. I can't.

After I told him that I had trust issues with a tendency to push people away, he told me that that was okay. That he wasn't going to go anywhere. I believed him. That was the first time, I truly believed him. I doubted when he said he loved me, but I for some reason I believed he wasn't going anywhere.

However, over Labor Day 2005 that changed. That's when he told me not to be surprised if he broke up with me before he deployed. It shook my trust just enough that I don't think I ever really trusted him 100% after that. We broke up in October 2005. But I still loved him.

January 4, 2006...I went to see him. I couldn't let him leave for Afghanistan without seeing him. He told me he wanted me to see other people and not wait for him.

January 17, 2006....he called and brought up marriage. That was a Thursday. He changed his mind on that Monday.

January 22, 2006...Tuesday. He asked about engagement. I didn't believe him. I asked him why and he told me because he wanted to show me that he was serious. That he wanted me to see that he wanted to get married, just not yet. I wanted to believe him, so I did.

January 26, 2006...I flew up there expecting for him to change his mind again. But he never did. We got engaged on Febuary 1, 2006. But he did change his mind.

After I found out that he wasn't sure again, I pretty much quit caring about it. I quit trying. When you get to the point that you quit trying it's best to just walk away. But I didn't right away. I couldn't give up on him. I felt like so many other girls did and he expected me to that I couldn't. I was determined to prove to him that I wasn't like every other girl he had been with. But it turned into proving it to myself. I had given everything I had with nothing left. All I wanted was for him to show me that he was there. For him to prove it to me. But he didn't. When I got to the point where I had nothing left to give, I broke up with him.

I'm angry at myself for giving up. I'm angry at him for not appearing to care.

I've come to the point where I realize that I didn't actually trust him anymore. I truly hate that. While it would be easy to call him a liar, which I did today on the phone, there is more to it then that. Part of me believes him. My heart believes him, but my head doesn't. Or maybe my heart just wants to believe him because I still love him.

Yup, I love him with my whole heart. Because that's love. Love does not let you pick and choose who, what, when, or how much. Love doesn't discriminate. I love him for all of his strenghtens and weaknesses. I don't love him because, but despite.

He tells me it's okay to hate him. He seems to be okay with that. To him hate is the most powerful emotion. But he's wrong. Love is. Love is more powerful than hate a thousand times plus. When a husband dies for his wife, a mother dies for her children...that's love. There is nothing more powerful than that. Love is sacrifice. The sacrifice of your life for another...hate has nothing on that. Hate is an easy thing to do. It's a weak man's emotion.

I love Pete. Will I always be in love with him? Only God knows what the future holds...but I do know I'll always love him. Sometimes there are just people you don't get over.

So Pete if you're reading this and you managed to get this far...I love you. You think I'm crazy because of that and love does do that to people. “Eventually you will come to understand that love heals everything, and love is all there is.”~Gary Zukav

And while I'm still be angry for awhile, I accept that as a part of the grieving process. However, hitting you repeatedly with a Nerf bat still sound appealing.

"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -myth is more potent than history -dreams are more powerful than facts -hope always truimphs over experience -laughter is the cure for grief -love is stronger than death." ~Robert Fulghum

“Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.” ~Erica Jong

“It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn't love you were in."


Wow, this post spoke volumes to me. My girlfriend just broke up with me on our 9 month aniversary: July 8th. I hurt so much and it's easy to be angry with her, but I still love her. But I'm so confused what to do now in this grieving purgatory.
JOn out. 7/11/2006 8:33 PM Humbledhead

Monday, 24 July 2006

Currently Listening
By Blue October
Hate Me

Out the pot...into the fire

I've made it home. That is always a nice accomplishment. Here lately it seems that most of what I do is exhausted by effort.

Wednesday night I realized that I was not well. Not that it really took a rocket scientist to come to this conclusion, the signs were pretty evident all day long. Thursday I went to the doctor to be diagnosed I expected...a kidney infection. Therefore, I spent a few hours with a needle in my arm making sure that I was good to go. Haha. Then Friday and most of Saturday were spent in bed going between a drugged sleep and the shakes. Good times. Sunday was spent stiff and sore from the previous day's shakes and today I've been exhausted. My head is cloudy and concentration requires more effort then I care to give it. I would have liked to spend the day in bed, but with my nephews in town that was not an option. I do love them and they are wonderful reminders of why I don't want children anytime soon. If at all, for that matter. Bedtime tonight is so early it's not even funny.

Tomorrow I start my new job. I'm kinda excited. I meet with the trainer; however, there is a problem with that...I haven't a clue when. There was no answer when I called today, so I'm not quite sure as to what I'm supposed to do. *big smile* Nevertheless, I can't do much about it now. Should be interesting though. I'll keep you posted.

Later Days, Jo

Monday, 31 July 2006

Currently Listening
Yourself or Someone Like You
By Matchbox 20

Would you pass the grief, please?

Week two of the new job. I can't wait until this orientation nonsense is over. I spend my time reading manuals, books, and meeting with supervisers. After this week, I get to actually do work! That means that the time will go by a whole lot faster...thank goodness.

I heard from Robert yesterday. Twice actually. Like everyone else, he was complaining about the heat. Boo hoo. As of yesterday, he hadn't started missions and whatnot. Of course, I'm not really sure where he is at. Kuwait, still I believe. Overall, he's doing well and is a bit bored. I'm glad we get the chance to exchange emails and whatnot. I don't like the thought of someone going overseas and not having people to talk to. Plus, I'm nice like that. I like to keep in touch with everyone I meet. It's fun.

Well, I'm off to work...woo. Policies & stuff.

Later Days, Jo

Thursday, 10 August 2006

Finally!! Show me the work...

Finally after two weeks, I actually get to do work. I'm ecstatic about this. I'm so sick of just sitting around and reading. Blah! Time is sure to go by faster than a crawl now...or at least it better!

I had my hair cut yesterday and it's cute. It hits just below the shoulders and the cut is made to have the bottom layer flip out. He added some layers and just made it more streamline. Ha word I can think of to describe it. Then he tucked two red chucks in the middle layers, therefore, they will peek out if I pull my hair back...wind blows...or even just move it behind my ear. It's super great!

ONE MORE WEEK...and I'll be done with this horrid class. It's ridiculous. I truly dislike it a whole bunch. Finance sucks.

Everything else is coming along smoothly. Laura and I went to see The Descent on Saturday...some pretty good twists, so I would recommend seeing it. We actually ended up meeting most of the new OBC class...haha. Not bad...a couple were quite entertaining, so I think it will be good thing.

Rob is doing well...he just left yesterday for Iraq (He's been in Kuwait this whole time.) and he expects it to be a few days before he actually makes it to his FOB. Boy is he excited about getting to do his job...silly. Who in their right mind would be excited about disarming bombs?!

I'm off to get ready for do work even.

Later Days, Jo

Sunday, 13 August 2006

Currently Listening
Come on Over
By Shania Twain
Man! I Feel Like a Woman!

'Cause that's how we roll

And now... my favorite picture of the night...!!!

Tuesday, 15 August 2006

More of me

Friday, 25 August 2006

You Belong in Rome

You're a big city girl with a small town heart
Which is why you're attracted to the romance of Rome
Strolling down picture perfect streets, cappuccino in hand
And gorgeous Italian men - could life get any better?

Saturday, 16 September 2006

Currently Listening
Beautiful Obscene
By Diana Anaid
Last Thing

Hmm, it's been awhile.

Wow, life has been busy.

Work. Well, it's work. I'm being to settle in and enjoy my job somewhat. It's only been two months. This last week though, I've been setting up for this month's mailing. You would not believe the amount of work that goes into sending a 700 letters out. I can, at the very least, say that I've learned how the post office sorts mail.

I have decided after many opinions from others, that I'm going to look into a different masters program. The MBA is not my cup of tea. It's so boring and apparently my friends and family don't think it agrees with me. Ha ha. And isn't it funny when you start telling others the story, they agree too? Let's see...first it was Rob, who talked to Laci who agreed that the MBA wasn't for me. Then I told my sister who informed me that she agreed along with mom and dad. I relayed the story to Kellie who jumped right into the boat. It's funny how no one said anything before. Good grief. So yeah...I have two classes starting in October, but after those I'm going to wait for my acceptance into FSU's Criminology program. I think that would suit me better.

As for social life...well, the girls and I try to make it out at least twice a month. And when we do, we have a great time as you can see from the pictures I posted earlier. Not too long ago, Laci and I were going out for a drink almost everyday. I've learned to drink beer. Yuck. I still really dislike it, but I've grown to tolerate Bud Select. I suppose that's what happens when you're poor...which I am at the moment. Since Josh (Laci's fiance) is overseas and Laura & myself are both single, girls' nights are the best. Speaking of being single, I get to talk to Rob everyday. He calls before he goes to bed and we exchange emails just as often. It's all so adorable and quite fun. He sent me a small package, which arrived on Wednesday. It included a hand written letter, a card, and twizzlers. He really is fantabulous. So far, he's been very lucky. They've lost an EOD tech already and some of the soldiers at his FOB recently. Everyone who is praying for him, please keep it up. He only has until January and then he'll be back home.

So overall I'd say that I'm doing well. Nothing too exciting or life changing has occured...just the regular day to day stuff.

Ha ha...this is the kind of entry that I get to leave when I'm at home on a very boring Saturday.

Monday, 25 September 2006

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?

Betty Grable

You are Betty Grable, an all American Beauty.
You inspire the lonely G.I.s overseas with your
coy smile and sweet disposition- and of course,
your million dollars legs. You're a classic, keep

Friday, 13 October 2006

Currently Listening
Monte Montgomery At WorkPlay
By Monte Montgomery
Wishing Well

Yawn! Friday the 13th.

Man, it is way too early to be at work.

Everyone is out of the office today, so here I sit all along. I think it will be somewhat exciting. I can listen to my music as loud as I want, take as much time as I wish to get my files done, and surf the net in between. Can't beat that.

House sitting for Brenda has turned out to be a welcomed vacation. It's just me minus the dog. Perfect me time, something I haven't had since the new living arrangements. My life has become an episode of Full House, just without the hugging. I'm going to relish in the fact that I'll be alone until Monday.

Today is a very popular birthday day. Kellie, Sabrina, and Hunter, my nephew, all have birthdays today. I know we're all getting together for drinks to celebrate Kellie's; however, I'm not really sure about Sabrina. I mailed Hunter his card, so he should be getting that soon. All is good in the world today.

Oh and a big WELCOME BACK to Jon!!

13 days until Josh (Laci's Fiance) gets back!!

Have a happy Friday the 13th!!

Later Days,


THANKYOU! I feel so appreciated! You just made my day.
JOn out. 10/13/2006 1:17 PM Humbledhead

Thursday, 02 November 2006

Letter from Iraq

I received this from Rob and I wanted to share it with everyone. He even took the time to highlight the "important" part in red.


I can relate to some of this…and I thought you might enjoy it as well.

All Hands:

Master Sergeant Joe Riggs sends this "letter to home" by a Marine who remains anonymous I would guess he is a battalion commander, and some on the All Hands will recognize him.

This is a very good account of what life is like, in Iraq, for our Marines. If you start to read this, you will probably finish it.

Thanks Top, say hello to the family, and Semper Fi,


All: I haven’t written very much from Iraq. There’s really not much to write about. More exactly, there’s not much I can write about because practically everything I do, read or hear is classified military information or is depressing to the point that I’d rather just forget about it, never mind write about it. The gaps in between all of that are filled with the pure tedium of daily life in an armed camp. So it’s a bit of a struggle to think of anything to put into a letter that’s worth reading. Worse, this place just consumes you. I work 18-20-hour days, every day. The quest to draw a clear picture of what the insurgents are up to never ends. Problems and frictions crop up faster than solutions. Every challenge demands a response. It’s like this every day. Before I know it, I can’t see straight, because it’s 0400 and I’ve been at work for twenty hours straight, somehow missing dinner again in the process. And once again I haven’t written to anyone. It starts all over again four hours later. It’s not really like Ground Hog Day, it’s more like a level from Dante’s Inferno.

Rather than attempting to sum up the last seven months, I figured I’d just hit the record setting highlights of 2006 in Iraq. These are among the events and experiences I’ll remember best.

Worst Case of Déjà Vu - I thought I was familiar with the feeling of déjà vu until I arrived back here in Fallujah in February. The moment I stepped off of the helicopter, just as dawn broke, and saw the camp just as I had left it ten months before - that was déjà vu. Kind of unnerving. It was as if I had never left. Same work area, same busted desk, same chair, same computer, same room, same creaky rack, same . . . everything. Same everything for the next year. It was like entering a parallel universe. Home wasn’t 10,000 miles away, it was a different lifetime.

Most Surreal Moment - Watching Marines arrive at my detention facility and unload a truck load of flex-cuffed midgets. 26 to be exact. I had put the word out earlier in the day to the Marines in Fallujah that we were looking for Bad Guy X, who was described as a midget. Little did I know that Fallujah was home to a small community of midgets, who banded together for support since they were considered as social outcasts. The Marines were anxious to get back to the midget colony to bring in the rest of the midget suspects, but I called off the search, figuring Bad Guy X was long gone on his short legs after seeing his companions rounded up by the giant infidels.

Most Profound Man in Iraq - an unidentified farmer in a fairly remote area who, after being asked by Reconnaissance Marines (searching for Syrians) if he had seen any foreign fighters in the area replied “Yes, you.”

Worst City in al-Anbar Province - Ramadi, hands down. The provincial capital of 400,000 people. Killed over 1,000 insurgents in there since we arrived in February. Every day is a nasty gun battle. They blast us with giant bombs in the road, snipers, mortars and small arms. We blast them with tanks, attack helicopters, artillery, our snipers (much better than theirs), and every weapon that an infantryman can carry. Every day. Incredibly, I rarely see Ramadi in the news. We have as many attacks out here in the west as Baghdad. Yet, Baghdad has 7 million people, we have just 1.2 million. Per capita, al-Anbar province is the most violent place in Iraq by several orders of magnitude. I suppose it was no accident that the Marines were assigned this area in 2003.

Bravest Guy in al-Anbar Province - Any Explosive Ordnance Disposal Technician (EOD Tech). How’d you like a job that required you to defuse bombs in a hole in the middle of the road that very likely are booby-trapped or connected by wire to a bad guy who’s just waiting for you to get close to the bomb before he clicks the detonator? Every day. Sanitation workers in New York City get paid more than these guys. Talk about courage and commitment.

Second Bravest Guy in al-Anbar Province - It’s a 20,000 way tie among all the Marines and Soldiers who venture out on the highways and through the towns of al-Anbar every day, not knowing if it will be their last - and for a couple of them, it will be.

Best Piece of U.S. Gear - new, bullet-proof flak jackets. O.K., they weigh 40 lbs and aren’t exactly comfortable in 120 degree heat, but they’ve saved countless lives out here.

Best Piece of Bad Guy Gear - Armor Piercing ammunition that goes right through the new flak jackets and the Marines inside them.

Worst E-Mail Message - “The Walking Blood Bank is Activated. We need blood type A+ stat.” I always head down to the surgical unit as soon as I get these messages, but I never give blood - there’s always about 80 Marines in line, night or day.

Biggest Surprise - Iraqi Police. All local guys. I never figured that we’d get a police force established in the cities in al-Anbar. I estimated that insurgents would kill the first few, scaring off the rest. Well, insurgents did kill the first few, but the cops kept on coming. The insurgents continue to target the police, killing them in their homes and on the streets, but the cops won’t give up. Absolutely incredible tenacity. The insurgents know that the police are far better at finding them than we are. - and they are finding them. Now, if we could just get them out of the habit of beating prisoners to a pulp . . .

Greatest Vindication - Stocking up on outrageous quantities of Diet Coke from the chow hall in spite of the derision from my men on such hoarding, then having a 122mm rocket blast apart the giant shipping container that held all of the soda for the chow hall. Yep, you can’t buy experience.

Biggest Mystery - How some people can gain weight out here. I’m down to 165 lbs. Who has time to eat?

Second Biggest Mystery - if there’s no atheists in foxholes, then why aren’t there more people at Mass every Sunday?

Favorite Iraqi TV Show - Oprah. I have no idea. They all have satellite TV.

Coolest Insurgent Act - Stealing almost $7 million from the main bank in Ramadi in broad daylight, then, upon exiting, waving to the Marines in the combat outpost right next to the bank, who had no clue of what was going on. The Marines waved back. Too cool.

Most Memorable Scene - In the middle of the night, on a dusty airfield, watching the better part of a battalion of Marines packed up and ready to go home after six months in al-Anbar, the relief etched in their young faces even in the moonlight. Then watching these same Marines exchange glances with a similar number of grunts loaded down with gear file past - their replacements. Nothing was said. Nothing needed to be said.

Highest Unit Re-enlistment Rate - Any outfit that has been in Iraq recently. All the danger, all the hardship, all the time away from home, all the horror, all the frustrations with the fight here - all are outweighed by the desire for young men to be part of a 'Band of Brothers' who will die for one another. They found what they were looking for when they enlisted out of high school. Man for man, they now have more combat experience than any Marines in the history of our Corps.

Most Surprising Thing I Don’t Miss - Beer. Perhaps being half-stunned by lack of sleep makes up for it.

Worst Smell - Porta-johns in 120 degree heat - and that’s 120 degrees outside of the porta-john.

Highest Temperature - I don’t know exactly, but it was in the porta-johns. Needed to re-hydrate after each trip to the loo.

Biggest Hassle - High-ranking visitors. More disruptive to work than a rocket attack. VIPs demand briefs and “battlefield” tours (we take them to quiet sections of Fallujah, which is plenty scary for them). Our briefs and commentary seem to have no affect on their preconceived notions of what’s going on in Iraq. Their trips allow them to say that they’ve been to Fallujah, which gives them an unfortunate degree of credibility in perpetuating their fantasies about the insurgency here.

Biggest Outrage - Practically anything said by talking heads on TV about the war in Iraq, not that I get to watch much TV. Their thoughts are consistently both grossly simplistic and politically slanted. Biggest offender - Bill O’Reilly - what a buffoon.

Best Intel Work - Finding Jill Carroll’s kidnappers - all of them. I was mighty proud of my guys that day. I figured we’d all get the Christian Science Monitor for free after this, but none have showed up yet. Talk about ingratitude.

Saddest Moment - Having the battalion commander from 1st Battalion, 1st Marines hand me the dog tags of one of my Marines who had just been killed while on a mission with his unit. Hit by a 60mm mortar. Cpl Bachar was a great Marine. I felt crushed for a long time afterward. His picture now hangs at the entrance to the Intelligence Section. We’ll carry it home with us when we leave in February.

Biggest Ass-Chewing - 10 July immediately following a visit by the Iraqi Deputy Prime Minister, Dr. Zobai. The Deputy Prime Minister brought along an American security contractor (read mercenary), who told my Commanding General that he was there to act as a mediator between us and the Bad Guys. I immediately told him what I thought of him and his asinine ideas in terms that made clear my disgust and which, unfortunately, are unrepeatable here. I thought my boss was going to have a heart attack. Fortunately, the translator couldn’t figure out the best Arabic words to convey my meaning for the Deputy Prime Minister. Later, the boss had no difficulty in convening his meaning to me in English regarding my Irish temper, even though he agreed with me. At least the guy from the State Department thought it was hilarious. We never saw the mercenary again.

Best Chuck Norris Moment - 13 May. Bad Guys arrived at the government center in the small town of Kubaysah to kidnap the town mayor, since they have a problem with any form of government that does not include regular beheadings and women wearing burqahs. There were seven of them. As they brought the mayor out to put him in a pick-up truck to take him off to be beheaded (on video, as usual), one of the bad Guys put down his machinegun so that he could tie the mayor’s hands. The mayor took the opportunity to pick up the machinegun and drill five of the Bad Guys. The other two ran away. One of the dead Bad Guys was on our top twenty wanted list. Like they say, you can’t fight City Hall.

Worst Sound - That crack-boom off in the distance that means an IED or mine just went off. You just wonder who got it, hoping that it was a near miss rather than a direct hit. Hear it every day.

Second Worst Sound - Our artillery firing without warning. The howitzers are pretty close to where I work. Believe me, outgoing sounds a lot like incoming when our guns are firing right over our heads. They’d about knock the fillings out of your teeth.

Only Thing Better in Iraq Than in the U.S. - Sunsets. Spectacular. It’s from all the dust in the air.

Proudest Moment - It’s a tie every day, watching my Marines produce phenomenal intelligence products that go pretty far in teasing apart Bad Guy operations in al-Anbar. Every night Marines and Soldiers are kicking in doors and grabbing Bad Guys based on intelligence developed by my guys. We rarely lose a Marine during these raids, they are so well-informed of the objective. A bunch of kids right out of high school shouldn’t be able to work so well, but they do.

Happiest Moment - Well, it wasn’t in Iraq. There are no truly happy moments here. It was back in California when I was able to hold my family again while home on leave during July.

Most Common Thought - Home. Always thinking of home, of Kathleen and the kids. Wondering how everyone else is getting along. Regretting that I don’t write more. Yep, always thinking of home.

I hope you all are doing well. If you want to do something for me, kiss a cop, flush a toilet, and drink a beer. I’ll try to write again before too long - I promise.

Semper Fi,


That was a FANTASTIC read! Thanks for posting it.
JOn out. 11/2/2006 11:20 AM Humbledhead

i laughed and i cried, thank you for sharing it. 11/2/2006 7:21 PM imnotdeaf

Sunday, 12 November 2006

Pictures worth a 1000 words

Here are some pictures from the road trip to New York last weekend. These are just the pictures after we made it there! I'll have others from the actually ride there later...and let me tell you, they are awesome!!

Me, Sabrina, and Michelle...just arrived. And yes, we're the only females there.

First picture and first drink.

Yeah...we've had a drink by this time.

Umm, and here's that drink I mentioned before. Cuervo is a drink, right?

A little salt and lime.

Here are some pictures that Rob sent back from the sandbox.

Yup, he's climbing a tower. Why? Couldn't tell you.

Look at that sky...and yes, that's the moon.

Very excited about the new Chevy hat. Blah!

Rob and pants? Ha ha. I joke.

His preferred uniform and I agree! You can't beat the Air Force's PT uniform. He is pretty hot.

Did anyone else notice the room that he's staying in? How would you like to have to live there? Yeah, I didn't think you would.

Thank a soldier for all they do.