Is that you God?

"My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,

knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.

But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing."

James 1:2-4

So as most of you know, I hate being a patrol officer. Spending 8 hours a day in a car is not fun...nothing like a road trip with friends. I drive in squares, use a 1/4 of a tank of gas, and get nowhere. If you include the crazy work hours, I would say that this job is sucking the happiness right out of me. I'm pretty sure Rob would tell you the same thing. Poor guy, he puts up with some much of my anxiety and depression brought on by this place that I'm at.

Back in February, I took a week off to figure out what I really needed. I spent that week putting in two resumes a day...10 that week. Rob and I agreed that it was time that I move on and regardless of the pay, if I was happy it would be worth it and the budget will be reworked. I committed it to prayer and left it at that; but, I had this unsettling feeling that God wasn't going to let me leave the police department. Whatever "work" I was suppose to do here was not finished. It was an awful feeling, bringing me to tears several times. How could He not see that I was so unhappy doing this job? Why would He not provide me with something else?

During that time I kept coming across different scriptures during my daily readings in Proverbs, Psalms, and James. The story about trials and tribulations being a river you have to cross in your boat. It's not easy to make it to the other side, but you have to stay in the boat! On the other side is a person with stronger faith. You can't leave the boat and with each trial you become more and more like the person God had in mind. So many of the scriptures and devotionals were talking about doing a great job at work for God and how God will reward those who do a good work. These all sound wonderful, but what if you truly are miserable at your job? Does that give you a pass? Will He provide you with something else?

With each of these scriptures running through my mind, I became more and more unsettled. I was fearful that I was going to have to stay in patrol. My flesh was fighting it even though I knew that if it was God's plan for me to stay there and complete His work that it was a good thing. God's plans are always for the best. I would tell myself that over and over. During one of my runs, I was listening to a Podcast from Joyce Meyer and I ended up crying full of frustration and hurt that God wanted me to stay was I was. I told Him that I was going to do His will even if it killed me, but I reminded Him (in case God could forget) that I had asked for a new job and deep in my heart I needed it. I said out loud that He had promised if I asked in His name, He would do it (paraphrased of course).

I continued working and that's when I took my week off in February. I thought that surely if I applied to all of those jobs, God would find one that suited me and His purpose. Rob and I made the decision that regardless of me having another job, I was going to resign either the 31st or the 4th of April. I'm even supposed to be following up with a HR manager at this company to work on setting up an interview. Everything is good right?

I still have this nagging "check" telling me that God isn't giving me the go ahead. Then on Friday of last week, I checked my work email and there was a vacancy in the Crime Prevention Unit! Monday through Friday, 8-4:30...perfect hours for my schooling and body clock. Paperwork, working with citizens in Neighborhood watch, civic leagues, etc. This would be perfect for me!! I would get to stay in the police department, still doing law enforcement (which still interests me), keeping my pay, and normal work hours. And it hit me...was this God's way of answering my prayers? Was this His go ahead?

I am excited about this opportunity; however, there is one small problem. To transfer, you have to have 2 years on the force as a sworn officer. I'm 9 months short of that. I will be with the department 2 years in July, but I wasn't sworn in until December. I now have to convince my LT to let me put in for it. He will have to agree to sign off on it for me to be eligible. I'll be meeting with him today and I have caught myself doubting it will work and questioning what will happen then, but then a thought pushes it back. If this is God's plan then who will be able to stop it? No one. If God wants me in this position, then surely the LT will say yes and sign off on it. If not, then maybe it's not God's plan after all or maybe He has a different way of going about arranging it. Who knows...and if it turns out to not workout, I always have my job interview with "Company A" to work toward.

So here I sit...sick with a head cold...and praying for courage and the right words to convince my LT about this new job opportunity. Sometimes I really wish that there was a definitely was to know if the path that I'm looking to go down is God's or my own....like a big sign that reads, "This way". That would be nice.